


Silence and Duality

by xaandiir



Series: SAD Series [1]
Category: Sanders Sides, Thomas Sanders
Genre: Angst, Gen, Nightmares, Psychological Drama, childhood sides, this started out as a bit of a character study and it turned into this big story so enjoy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-10
Updated: 2017-12-31
Packaged: 2018-11-30 10:56:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 25,329
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11462142
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xaandiir/pseuds/xaandiir
Summary: Children make mistakes, and the Sides were no exception when Thomas was young. They thought they were only protecting Thomas when they locked up the one who was hurting him, but now that he's out, they have to face he consequences of their decision.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Things are going to be vague and a little confusing for a few chapters, but I promise things will become clear :)

It was a long day. An absurdly long day. Virgil was beyond exhausted. Thomas had been feeling more on edge lately—or maybe Virgil had, he could never tell anymore—and it had left the both of them desiring to turn in early every night for the past week. Logan was happy about that, since, in his words, "More sleep helps store more information and keep up one's health which leads to a prolonged life and better judgement." What a load. Couldn't he learn to simplify things?

Roman was happy too. Sleeping early meant more time spent in dreamland, where Roman was able to retain the most control out of all of them. He could create absurd fantasies that would entertain all of them, aside from perhaps Logan who despised how unrealistic everything was. Even Patton enjoyed it, as he thought that sleeping was good for emotional healing after long days and he liked the fun of dreaming.

Virgil seemed to be the only one who seemed uncomfortable about this whole thing. He couldn't pinpoint what was causing these anxious feelings to spike. He hated feeling like this, and the feelings only seemed to perpetuate throughout the week, without avail. But he'd get over it sooner or later. Thomas will probably pull them out to talk about this and Virgil will be blamed and somehow everything will work out in the end. That's how it was, and that's how it will be.

"Alright boys, I'm thinking that Thomas could use some good old dragon slaying!" Roman announced with a grin.

The landscape around them was a vastness of white nothingness—the dreamland—with splashes of color to their left, the rest of the mind space, and the dark black shadows to their right, being the back of the mind. Virgil thought that it looked bigger than the last time he remembered, but he quickly averted his attention.

Roman drew out his hands like he was about to conduct an orchestra. The white canvas around them transformed into a vibrant hillside with tall mountains rising up around them like the edges of an arena. Virgil saw castles in the distance, forests, and fantastical creatures circling overhead. It figures that Princey would choose a fantasy setting. Couldn't he try something more creative and put a dragon on the moon? A space dragon would be way cooler.

"Virgil, stop messing with my creation!" Roman shouted. Virgil looked up to see that the bright sky above them with pegasi and fairies flying about was being replaced with dark, endless space, glittering with distant stars.

Virgil shrugged and sat down on a rock formation he conjured up instead. "My bad, Roman Empire. I guess I felt like being creative for once." The outer space faded, returning to its former annoyingly blue sky.

Roman huffed and turned back so he could design a perfect dragon to fight. Virgil just rolled his eyes and crossed his arms. The sooner this sleep cycle was over, the better. Usually sleep relieved Virgil’s nerves, but for some reason even in sleep Virgil felt on edge. He'd rather they were awake so he at least could stay away from everyone and deal with it on his own.

Patton took a seat next to him and smiled. "How are you doing?" There was obvious concern in his voice. Patton was anything but subtle. "You haven't been in the best mood lately."

"Is it that obvious?" Virgil asked sarcastically. Of course it was obvious. It affected Thomas, which affected everyone else. Whatever one of them felt, everyone else was bound to feel it at one point.

"I just want to make sure you're okay."

Virgil sighed and hunched over. He stared down at a pebble near his foot, and nudged it with his shoe. "I've just been on edge."

"I've noticed. Is it because of anything in particular? Thomas hasn't had any recent auditions and things are going well with his friends and—"

"No, no." Virgil shook his head and sighed again. "I don't know what it is. I just am. It's like there's a cloud hanging over my head and it's making me feel awful."

Patton noticeably sagged. Virgil didn't want him to worry. If Virgil could turn it off, he would, but he didn't even understand how things worked half the time.

"Well I'm here if you ever need anything, sport," Patton said with a smile. "I know you keep to yourself and everything, but I'm here. I'm always willing to talk."

"I know, Pat. You've been telling me that for years. I know."

"Alright. Then just…if you ever want to, you can just talk…" Patton looked down at his hands. "I know that things are still strained with everyone, but it's been a long time and I think we should try to—"

Virgil looked at him with an expression that made Patton bite his tongue immediately. "I know you're just trying to make me feel better. But really, I'm fine. I'm okay. I'll get out of this funk and stop upsetting Thomas, alright?"

Patton didn't look satisfied with that, but he just nodded. Virgil was relieved that he wasn't going to keep pushing the subject. Virgil didn't know how long he'd be able to just keep putting it off before he snapped and tried to drive Patton away.

"Hey," Patton said gently, looking at him and smiling. "Would you like to help fight a dragon? I'm sure Roman would enjoy the help."

Virgil shook his head. "No, I'm pretty sure that he wouldn't. I'm fine here. I wouldn't want to accidentally cause a nightmare."

"I know you wouldn't. You couldn't, anyway. I know that. But you've been really careful about stuff like that. I think we're all handling anxious feelings better and it's helping Thomas a lot." He smiled. "I'm proud of you."

Virgil had to resist the urge to roll his eyes. The whole reason Patton just approached him was because it was clear that he wasn't doing well handling these feelings. But Patton was the heart out of all of them, and he liked to make sure that everyone was doing okay, no matter what. Virgil had always liked Patton for that. Well, for that and for helping him years ago.

"Patton, I require assistance!" Roman called. The dragon was created, but it was only lumbering about a bit. Roman didn't look satisfied enough to actually attack.

"Coming!" Patton got to his feet and gave Virgil another smile.

When he left, Logan took his place, sitting down beside Virgil. Virgil glanced at him and raised an eyebrow. Logan never wanted to interact much with any of the sides, for fear that they'd give him a headache.

"You're the only sane one," Logan said as an explanation. "This whole scenario wouldn't make sense, and I'm frankly tired of trying to argue with Roman for putting more realism into these dream sequences. On the off chance that you create a nightmare, they at least make more sense than this."

Virgil shrugged. "Going to the library naked or losing a friend isn't that realistic. But I guess." He shifted and bit his lip uncertainly. He thought about whether it would be worth it to even bring it up, but his mouth was already moving before he could make that decision. "And I make bad dreams. Not nightmares. We both know who makes those."

Logan nodded and awkward silence fell over them. Virgil watched Patton goad the dragon into attacking, and the pair narrowly avoided getting roasted by the dragon's fire breath. Roman looked happy. He was always happy when it came to fighting imaginary creatures like this. But Virgil knew that he wasn't as happy as he could be. There was no real challenge when it came to these things. He controlled everything, so there was no adrenaline. It was like a dance that had been rehearsed hundreds of times. Roman could never enjoy that.

"Virgil." The side in question looked back at Logan. "Did you hear what I said?"

"Um. No. I was lost in thought. What'd you say?"

"I said that something seems to have been on your mind lately. And clearly it still is. Is something the matter?"

Virgil shrugged. "I don't know. It's not anything in particular. I've just felt more anxious than usual. Like, way more than usual. Like a ghost has been haunting me for the past week kind of anxious."

Logan hummed and crossed his arms. His eyebrows furrowed in thought and his nostrils flared like they did when he tried to think hard. "And you have no idea what could be causing this?"

Virgil shook his head. "None. It's affecting Thomas too. I'm sure you and the others have noticed. But I'm not doing it on purpose. I can't even figure out why this is happening."

"Perhaps we should bring it up with Thomas. We may be fragments of his mind, but he has his own independent thoughts as well, and might realize what could be bothering him before we could figure it out on our own. Once the problem is identified, then we can set to creating a plan that can solve it."

Oh, Logan. Ever the analytic. "Alright," said Virgil. "Sounds good. I'm sure he could even get an useful video out of it, like always."

Logan must have detected the tired tone of voice he used, for Logan gave him a look that verged on concern. "Are you certain that you have no idea what's causing this?"

"What, I act like my usual mopey self and suddenly you think that I actually know what's going on? I don't, Logan. I'm just tired. And I can't sleep."

Logan nodded, but Virgil knew that he didn't really understand. He couldn't. The others weren't feeling what he was feeling. They couldn't know, not really. And that was what was so frustrating. Virgil wanted them to know, so he could really talk, but they couldn't ever know how he really felt. That was why it was frustrating being one side of the same person.

Logan stood up and called out, "Roman, I think you've done plenty to kill the dragon."

Virgil saw that the beast was slain, practically diced into pieces, but there was no blood. Blood was scary and nightmarish. There was never any sort of thing when Roman was in charge of dreams. It was clean and it was fun and Thomas always enjoyed them. Of course he did.

Roman groaned but walked over and sheathed his sword. "Alright, fine. I know you want to give him a 'logical' dream for once, so go about it. The sooner you finish, the sooner I can get him into a sword fight on horseback."

That comment made Logan frown, but he was already beginning to change the environment. Roman sat where Logan had just been as the rock formation under them turned into a park bench.

"Is there a reason you're actually sitting near me, Coral Blue #5?" Virgil asked.

Roman looked borderline impressed for about five seconds at the Spongebob reference before he scoffed and replied, "Yes, actually. Your negative attitude is wearing us all down. Is something bothering you?"

"I swear, are  _all_  of you going to ask me that?" Virgil rolled his eyes. "I don't know what's up, okay? Logan is gonna bring it up with Thomas tomorrow and we'll get it all sorted out. Then you won't have to worry and you can go back to being the resident drama queen."

"As tantalizing as that sounds, I do want to know if you're actually okay. You're certain that you don't know what's going on?"

"What, you're actually concerned about the lord of darkness over here? Last I heard you didn't shop at Hot Topic."

"While H&M is definitely more my scene, that doesn't mean I can't be concerned." Roman tilted his head and his stare felt like a hot iron on Virgil’s neck. "We're only worried, is all."

"Not for me, surely."

"Of course for you. That's why we're talking to you."

Virgil huffed and glared. "No. You're concerned about Thomas and the effects that will happen to you. You're not concerned about  _me_. I just cause the problems. I always have."

Roman frowned. "You haven't. I know that we can be a bit harsh on you, but it's only because we don't want…  _you know,_  to happen again. He caused enough issues for—Virgil? What's wrong?"

Virgil could barely hear Roman over the sudden roar of blood in his ears and the thumping of his heart in his chest. The dull fearful feeling that he'd had for the past week suddenly flared up, encasing him. Virgil felt like he couldn't breathe. What was this…no…No, he knew what this was. But he didn't want this to happen. Not now, after so long.

Before he could ask for help from Roman, or from anyone, the park landscape around them went dark. Virgil’s body tensed and he looked around, but it was pitch dark and he couldn't see a thing.

"Roman?" Virgil said, the fear in his voice all to evident. He reached out blindly in the direction where Roman had just been, but only found open air. "Logan? Patton?!" Virgil’s voice grew more hysterical, but he received no answer. There was only darkness and silence. He was alone.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The POV will change every so often (like this chapter is in Logan’s POV) but for the most part, this story will be told from Virgil’s POV! Also for those of you that didn’t read over the first chapter again, I changed Anxiety’s name from the stand in “Ethan” to his proper name, Virgil! :)

Everything was dark, for a brief moment. Logan's heart hammered in his chest as he looked around, trying to figure out where he was. He couldn't see anything in front of him. It was like the vast whiteness from earlier, but now it was just vast blackness. Logan wondered for a moment if this was Virgil’s doing. He had just been doing…something…what was he doing? Logan's memory was fading. That was strange, considering how well he usually remembered things…

"Logan!" He heard a distant voice. Logan's blood ran cold. The voice was young and sounded like he was in tears. Logan knew that voice.

He opened his mouth to reply when instead the voice yelled again, "Logan!" The voice had changed this time, it was older and sounded more panicked than afraid, and Logan recognized it again.

"Virgil?" he replied, looking around. "Where are…" Logan's voice fell short.

He saw Virgil, and Virgil saw him, but Virgil seemed to be trapped in a room of some sort. Lights flickered on overhead, revealing the small sterile room Logan was located in. Virgil was behind a glass wall and he was pressed up against it, eyes looking panicked. Logan's heart skipped a beat. He hadn't seen Virgil outwardly terrified in years. Logan had only heard fear in Virgil’s voice three times: once when Thomas was five and was certain there was a monster in the closet, again when Thomas was thirteen and watched an R-rated horror movie because Patton insisted he should, and finally when they were young, during a certain near-death experience. But now Logan had heard it again, and he knew it was not good when even Anxiety showed outright fear.

"Virgil, you need to calm down," Logan said as he stepped up to the glass. He put a hand on the wall and Virgil moved his hand in the same place, as though he could reach out and touch him, but the barrier remained. "I'll figure out a way to get you out. You're okay. Remember to breathe."

"Okay." The tremor in Virgil’s voice was clear as day but he nodded anyway. "Okay. I'm fine. It's fine."

Logan nodded in affirmation. "Just give me some time." He looked back at the room around him and found a door leading into the room. He pulled at the handle, but it wouldn't budge.

 _"Access denied,"_ a robotic voice said from nowhere. _"Please input the code on the console."_

Logan turned around and saw the console against the wall adjacent to the glass. He walked over and ran his hands over the knobs, levers, buttons, and other seemingly trivial things. Logan had no idea where to start. There wasn't anything prompting him, no words to be found, no labels. It was just a random assortment of stuff.

There was a soft whimper behind the glass. "Logan, please…"

"I'm going to get you out, Virgil." Logan didn't look up from the console. He had nowhere to start, so he may as well try anything. He reached over and pulled down the first lever that his hand landed on.

The moment the lever was pulled, an alarm went off and the white light shifted to a blood red, bathing Logan in crimson. Virgil yelled as a loud crunching sound filled the air, like metal grating on metal. Logan looked at the glass. Virgil’s back was pressed up against the glass and Logan saw the walls on either side of him slowly closing, along the side of the glass wall.

"Virgil!" Logan rushed to the glass and Virgil spun around. His eyes were wild and pleading as he banged his fists against the glass. The glass didn't so much as bend against the force.

"Logan please get me out of here! Logan, please, don't do this to me, please, please!"

Virgil wasn't the pleading type. He was always guarded, slightly on edge, but ultimately approached things calmly. Even if he incited a nervous energy. This was a whole different level, and it made Logan's adrenaline levels skyrocket.

He spun around and reached the console again. Logan began fiddling with everything on the console. There were no instructions or indications as to how to figure out the correct code, so what was there to do except trial and error? Virgil’s constant words, begging to be let out, along with the grating of metal gears as the walls closed in on Virgil, began to take its toll on Logan's calm demeanor.

None of this made sense. He had just been somewhere safe, he was sure of it. And now…where even was this? How could this have happened? And Virgil was still just a side. He was a part of Thomas's mind. Logically, he could not be destroyed as simply as being crushed by these moving walls. And what even were these things? Logan couldn't find any logical answer to any of it. But Virgil’s screaming was so urgent, so terrified. It managed to drown out Logan's logical side as he operated only on ice cold fear.

The red light was becoming deeper and Logan tried not to concentrate on the conscious association the color had to blood. He tried to push away Virgil’s screams and the association that came with that: the crying, the begging, the pounding of a fist on a wall, the choked screams, the fading voice as he walked away and decided that he would never return. It was all rushing back, like pages of a scrapbook spilling out onto the floor. The memories he thought he had forgotten were spread out for him to see and analyze and regret.

"Logan!" Virgil howled. Logan's head snapped up to see that the walls were too close for comfort now. Virgil pressed his hands against one of the walls, as though he could stop the walls from closing in. He had maybe three feet of space left, and it was dwindling quickly. "Logan please, I know you hate me but please stop it…!"

"I don't hate you!" Logan snapped. He pulled a couple more levers and slammed on some buttons but he only kept getting an error message played over and over by the robotic voice. _Access denied. Access denied. Access denied._ "Can you not pull out your self-deprecation at a time like this?! I am doing my best, Virgil. I am not trying to punish you."

"You did before! You hated me then, and you hate me now. I know you hate me! They all do! And now you're just going to let me die because it'd be easier for everyone if I was gone!"

Logan's frustration was boiling over, clouding his judgement. Nothing made sense. This wasn't like Virgil, this room was foreign, the light was dizzying, the robotic voice was incessant. "No it wouldn't! I don't want any harm to come to you! Can you stop yelling at me, for once? I am doing the best that I can!"

The walls were closing in around Virgil and he had to stand sideways to prevent getting crushed. He pressed his hand against the glass and looked at Logan, tears in his eyes and enough fear to make Logan feel choked up. "Logan…!"

"No, NO! I am not going to let this happen!" Logan slammed his hands across the entire console, hitting every button, flipping every switch. "I am going to let you out!"

As soon as the words left his mouth, Logan knew he made a mistake. The code. The _wall_. The walls came to a halt and he looked at Virgil. Virgil was frozen, fear still etched on his face like he was frozen in time. His tears suddenly transformed into thick black sludge that ran down his face in volumes. His legs gave way into shadows and suddenly Virgil was gone, but the sludgy black water continued to pour and fill the narrow space behind the glass. Logan took a couple of steps back and turned around to leave the room, but found that there was no exit door. He hadn't noticed during the hysteria of earlier.

"What is…happening?" Logan said to himself. He turned around and saw that the glass room had completely filled. The glass began to crack. "No. No, no. This isn't right. This isn't logical." Despite Logan's verbal reassurances, nothing changed. His neck was slick with sweat and he pressed up against the back wall. "This can't be real. It doesn't make any sense. This must be…This must be a hallucination or…"

The glass shattered and the water poured out. It immediately flooded the floor and began to rise. Fear rose in Logan's throat and he quickly waded over to the console. He began to press at the buttons urgently, hoping that there was some way of turning off the water, or revealing a secret passage, or something. When the console began sparking, he quickly backed away from it.

The water was at his chest now. How quickly was this water rising? There was no way that it could fill up the room this quickly, right? And yet, it was. No matter how much Logan tried to rationalize what was going on, it didn't change the fact that it was happening. And Logan couldn't explain it. That scared him more than anything; even more than the water rising to his shoulders. What was going to happen to him? Could he die? Could a Side die like this?

He floated with the water, but the ceiling of the room was low, and he hit it quickly. Logan pressed against the ceiling, but it didn't budge, of course. The water filled around him, slipped into his ears and around his neck. Just as the water slipped over his head, Logan remembered what he had said. _I am going to let you out._ This must be _his_ doing…Logan had let down his wall. He could only hope that the others wouldn't do the same.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There’s nothing like playing the pronoun game and hoping that the suspense is still effective. Also, after some feedback from readers on my tumblr, people voted to post biweekly, so I’ll be posting chapters every Monday and Thursday :)

Roman remembered talking to Virgil, and then darkness. It was as though he was suspended in space, for a long moment. He saw nothing, heard nothing, and could feel nothing. It was…strange. Dizzying. Roman couldn't tell which way was which or whether he could wander without losing his way.

Then all at once, he could see. Virgil, to his left, and to his right, a figure that Roman couldn't make out right away. What he could make out was the long sword in the figure's hands and how they were running towards Virgil with a clear intent to kill.

Roman reacted on instinct, lunging forward and taking out his own sword. As he clashed blades with the figure, he was finally close enough to make out more of his opponent, and what he saw made Roman's stomach drop. It was a little hard to see past the shadows that glittered and warped and moved like a desert mirage, but Roman could still see his features. His squinty eyes, his clenched jaw, and the hostile look that danced across his face. He'd grown a lot, but he was still unmistakable.

"I know what you did last time," Roman growled, glaring at his adversary. "I won't let you near him again."

He grinned, sickeningly, and it sent tingles down Roman's spine. "What would you know? You're the one that hurt him first, remember."

Roman shoved forward, throwing his weight onto the sword, and his opponent stumbled backwards. Roman's heart hammered in his chest. He had missed this, the adrenaline. But this wasn't like some session of make-believe, where nothing bad would happen. This was for real.

"Virgil, are you okay?" Roman called over his shoulder without looking away from his adversary.

"Yeah," Virgil replied. His voice sounded stiff and uneasy. "How did he get out?"

"No idea. But I think we should put him back in his place."

The shadows flickered and grew, like a fire suddenly given fresh wood to devour. "I am not going back there."

Roman gripped his sword. "I'll make you."

He charged forward and swung his sword, but his opponent back tracked, parried, and otherwise voided the hits. Occasionally Roman would receive a swing or two, but he was able to dodge and continue pressing forward, driving him back.

It was still dark and Roman's heart was beating madly in his ears, blood pumping loudly. He still wasn't entirely sure where he was, but he couldn't let up fighting for an instant. Even focusing on that gave his opponent the opportunity to cut across his arm. It wasn't much, but it tore his clothing and stained it with a little red. Roman focused again on fighting. He couldn't afford any missteps.

He couldn't afford to let Virgil get hurt again.

Metal clashed on metal and they grated and screeched in Roman's ears. An anxious energy hung in the air, making Roman's hands shake and his grip falter. He ducked out of the way of another swing as his hand didn't listen to him fast enough to parry.

"Virgil, stop it!" Roman barked.

"What am I doing?!" Virgil replied. He hadn't moved since Roman started fighting. Couldn't he help out a little? Defending him wasn't exactly easy.

Roman let out a loud grunt as he clashed blades again. His strength was fading as the blade inched closer to his face. "This energy! This anxiety! It's exhausting!"

"This isn't me!"

Roman's opponent backed off and gave them both another sickening grin. "I believe that's my doing, Roman."

Roman stared with wide eyes. "You…You didn't have this power before."

"It's amazing what time will do to you. For me, I've gotten stronger but you…you've only gotten weaker. The both of you have."

Roman heard Virgil shift behind him and Roman's heart skipped a beat, whether out of fear or anger, he couldn't tell. "We should have destroyed you when we had the chance.

"Destroy me?" He paused. Grinned. "I would like to see you try."

Just like that, the single challenge reinvigorated Roman. He dashed forward, sword drawn high above his head. It wasn't a great technique, not even a good one. This wasn't a massive two-handed sword like they used in anime. This was a sword to be used with proper technique. His work was sloppy, and this whole approach was madness. But Roman was passionate, and this was definitely giving it his all.

Of course, when he swung down, his opponent simply stepped to the side. It probably wouldn't have been bad. Roman wouldn't have been too upset. It would have been fine…Except that his sword still hit something.

It was dark, and he couldn't have been able to tell. It didn't look like anything. He didn't even think that he traveled this far. How he was moved to the back of the mind so quickly, Roman didn't know. But his sword still landed against the wall, and it shattered before him, landing in tiny pieces.

Roman gasped and scrambled backwards, lost his footing, and fell to the ground. For a moment, he forgot about the threat of his opponent, primarily because he now knew there was none.

"You're not…" Roman whispered.

He received a laugh in response. Cold. Gloating. Roman slowly turned to look at him, only to be met with a gleaming smile behind hazy shadows. "Thank you for breaking down the wall."

"You weren't out yet."

"No, and yet even this hallucination nearly beat you. I had to hold back." Another laugh. Roman felt like he was being submerged in ice. "It wouldn't do if I incapacitated you before you could break the wall.

Roman's hands shook and he held them close to his chest to steady them. This couldn't be happening. He had just…but it was only one wall. There were three. Surely the others hadn't let theirs down as well…

"You look ill, Roman. Perhaps I should assist you."

"Stay away," Roman said before he—the hallucination?—could take another step. It had been so real. When could he have made things that felt so real…? Roman's stomach rumbled and he tasted bile at the back of his throat. "You can't…You couldn't have…"

The low laugh sounded deeper, more demonic. Roman felt cold water underneath him, like the floor was being flooded. "But I did. And it feels so great, doesn't it? Haven't you missed me? I'm sure Virgil has."

He turned towards Virgil and Roman's heart picked up in speed. Why hadn't Virgil run yet? Why was he still here? Why hadn't he moved?! He was only closer to Virgil now, and still, Virgil stared without notice, like he was frozen. No. _No._

"Virgil, run!" Roman yelled. Virgil didn't react. It was as though he didn't even hear him.

"Have you grown fond of him?" The shadows figure turned back to look at Roman. His eyes were clear as day through the shadows, black where the whites were supposed to be, haunting and dark. "How cute. It's almost touching."

Without looking, he thrust his sword back, straight through Virgil’s middle. Roman screamed so loudly, for a moment his ears rang. Virgil’s eyes crossed and he fell to his knees. Red bloomed against his shirt, horrifically bright on the black fabric. Above him, he only grinned through the shadows. When he looked back at Roman, everything went dark, and Roman slipped away, the water soaking his clothes. The last thing he saw was Virgil crumple to the ground and give way to shadows.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can’t leave Pat out of the fun now can we?

There was darkness, and then there wasn't.

Patton couldn't tell where he was. He wasn't in the main dreamland he had been moments ago—that was where he had been, right?—but instead somewhere new. Somewhere dark and hazy and hard to focus in. He knew this place. It must have been the back of Thomas's mind. But why was he…?

"Pat…"

Patton stiffened at the voice. "Virgil?" he called. "Where are you?"

"Pat…! Let me out!"

Everything felt cold, like Patton had suddenly been dipped in ice. Let him out? Was he…? But Patton hadn't put him back in there. Had one of the others? Why would they have—?!

"Patton please!" Virgil screamed. Patton ran forward, towards where he thought the voice was coming from. It only took him a moment to find the wall.

"Virgil?" Patton called, pressing his hands against the wall. It was hard to see his wall, as it was hard to see anything in the back of the mind. It was a symbolic wall more than anything, anyway. He had one, Logan had one, and Roman had one. Three walls, keeping  _him_  inside. But Virgil wasn't supposed to be in there. "Virgil, are you there?"

A sob was his reply. Patton felt like he'd just been stabbed. He hadn't heard Virgil cry since they were children, in a situation just like this. How did he get back in there? Surely Logan or Roman hadn't been so cruel? They had been getting better, all of them. They were getting along. Why would they…

"Patton," Virgil whispered. It was hard to hear behind the wall, and Patton had to press his ear against it to hear. "I don't like this."

His voice was so small, it broken Patton's heart. "Kiddo, I'm so sorry. Who put you in here?"

"You did."

Patton frowned. "What? No, I didn't."

"Yes, you  _did_. Did you already forget?" The tremor in Virgil’s voice made Patton shiver. "Did twenty years already make you forget?"

No. No, of course it hadn't. Patton could still remember, clear as day. He hadn't thought about it in years, tried to think about it as little as possible, but every detail was still in place. It made his stomach twist into knots.

"I don't like it in here," Virgil said, pulling Patton back out of his thoughts. "It's dark and lonely. Why did you  _put me here?_ "

Patton shook his head rapidly. "I'm going to let you out of there, Virgil."

"No, you're going to leave me here, just like before."

"I swear to you I'm not. I wouldn't leave you here."

For a long moment there was no reply, and Patton worried that something happened to Virgil. Did he leave? Did he get caught? Patton wasn't sure what exactly went on behind the walls, and he didn't know what could have happened to Virgil, if anything happened at all. Finally, there was a quiet reply, though, as Virgil said, "…Really?"

Patton smiled despite himself. Even after all this time, did Virgil really need reassurance that he was telling the truth? "Yes, really. I'm going to let down the wall now, so be ready to come out, okay?"

Patton took a slow breath and then lifted the wall. He saw someone scramble out and he quickly dropped the wall back into place. He turned to see Virgil on the ground, breathing heavily and shaking. It broke Patton's heart. He didn't want Virgil to have to go in there again. He didn't even know what happened to put him there.

"Virgil," Patton said softly as he approached. "It's okay. You're out now. You're safe."

"I didn't want to be in there," Virgil whispered. He didn't look up, nor did he stop shaking. Patton hadn't seen Virgil in such a state in a long time.

"I know, kiddo. I'm so sorry. How did you even get in there?"

Virgil didn't answer his question, instead saying, "It was so dark in there. I thought you would leave me there forever…I thought I would die there."

Patton's emotions swelled and he moved forward to wrap Virgil up in a tight hug. He knew that Virgil liked his personal space, and wasn't one for hugging, but he couldn't help it. He hated seeing Virgil so upset and shaken.

Virgil stiffened, uneasy for a moment, before he slowly hugged Patton back. Patton could have cried with joy. He hated the circumstances, and he was still confused about everything, but Virgil had returned his hug. It left him feeling emotional. He ran his hand through Virgil’s hair and hugged him tightly. Virgil responded in part by hugging tightly as well. He shook in Patton's arms and buried his face in the crook of Patton's neck. It was nice, for a brief moment.

Patton didn't notice Virgil’s form fade away, replaced by a different shadowy figure with long black nails and darkness dripping off of his body. "I'm so glad that you're okay," Patton whispered.

The figure's nails dug into Patton's back. "Liar," he growled.

Patton's heart seized and he tried to push away, but his wrists were caught before he could scramble to his feet, and instead he was pulled closer again. Patton's heart pounded as he stared into those black eyes and felt icy hands squeeze around his wrists.

"Thank you for opening your wall," the figure said. "I needed all three down to get out."

"What happened to you?" Patton whispered, tears sprouting in his eyes.

"Loneliness happened to me," he replied. His voice was dark like the shadows clinging to his body, and he stared without blinking. Patton felt cold, and he felt icy water beneath him as it filled the floor, like someone left a faucet running. It took him a moment to realize that the water was pouring from the person in front of him. "Twenty agonizing years. Introspection can go a long way." Patton jaw trembled and tears sprouted in the corners of his eyes. He was afraid, and his captor noticed. "Come now Patton. It's time to get what you deserve."

"Please…" Patton swallowed and tried to speak again without his voice cracking. "Please, don't do this. We…We didn't…"

He tilted his head. Those eyes weren't blinking and Patton couldn't look away. "What? You didn't want to do it? You didn't mean to hurt me? What other excuse are you going to give me, Patton? Because you did hurt me." He squeezed Patton's wrists tighter, his nails pressing sharply against Patton's skin. "And you never even came back. Unless it was for  _him_."

A sob shook Patton's shoulders. " _Please_...!"

"No." The water was higher now, up to Patton's chest. His captor didn't even look wet. "You don't get to cry your way out of this."

The water surged, pulling Patton under. The hands slipped from his wrists and Patton sunk into the darkness.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're finally getting some answers...

Virgil was alone. His heart beat fast and he looked around. "Roman?" he called out again. "Logan? Patton?" He received no answer. There was only darkness and silence.

Virgil didn't like the dark. The dark held mystery and fear. Anything could be lurking in the dark. He always told Thomas not to walk around alone at night. He still made Thomas afraid of the closet at night, so he had to sleep with it closed. No paranormal monstrosities could escape if the closet door was closed, right?

But most of all he hated the dark because of the memories it brought back to him.

Five agonizing years spent in darkness. Becoming more and more trapped, like the space around him was only growing smaller and the air growing thinner. The shadows, the faces in the dark, the noises that skitter and scream with their sources just out of sight. And of course, him.

This must be his doing. As soon as Virgil realized that, it made sense, but he quickly pushed the thought away. He couldn't think about that. It would only pull him deep into a pit of his own dark thoughts and memories and he would break, but he couldn't do that right now. There had to be another reason that this was happening. A reason that didn't involve him, a reason that made more sense, a reason that was safer. Then Virgil could go and find the other Sides and work this out. Things could go back to normal again, and whatever was making him feel so anxious and uneasy could be resolved. It could be normal again.

But then a chill blew through the air and Virgil felt a crushing pressure around his windpipe as panic seized him again. He gasped and fell to his knees. He wanted to curl up into a ball and ignore all of this. He didn't want to feel the anxiety blooming in his chest or taste the fear on his tongue or feel slick sweat roll down his face or the hairs on the back of his neck stand up. Virgil wanted to be able to breathe properly, and that couldn't happen while he was here and feeling like this.

"It can't be him," Virgil whispered. "He's locked up. He's not here. It can't be him. You're safe, you're safe." He murmured the mantra to himself, like Patton did fifteen years ago.

 _"Pathetic,"_  a deep voice whispered.

Virgil flinched and looked up. His breath caught in his throat and his chest still ached, but he managed to get up to his feet, stumbling backwards. He spun around, trying to see into the darkness, but there was nothing. He couldn't make out anything beyond the subtly shifting shadows.

 _"They don't actually care about you,"_  the voice continued. Virgil looked around frantically for the source of the voice, but it was like the voice was being carried on the wind, flitting around his head randomly.  _"They just pity you."_

"No," Virgil growled. "No. I've talked to them. We're getting better. We're not thirteen anymore."

The voice only laughed. It was condescending and cold. Virgil felt like someone had just stuffed ice cubes down his shirt.  _"Sure, you've been getting along with them lately, but how long can that last?"_

"Stop it." Virgil crossed his arms and tried to keep from shivering. This wasn't real. This wasn't real. This was just an illusion he made. It wasn't  _real_.

_"You can't face what you already know? You make one mistake and they'll put you right back where you were before."_

Virgil's breath hitched. It was bad enough here, hearing his voice in the darkness. But this wasn't exactly like before. Virgil didn't see him, and there was still space. But he didn't want to go back. The walls closing in, the screaming, the blame, and the nightmares, the unrelenting nightmares.

"You're lying!" Virgil yelled. He glared at the darkness but he couldn't be sure that that was even where the voice was coming from. His knees trembled and he locked them in place so he would stop shaking. "They wouldn't do that. They wouldn't."

_"How would you know? They did it once, they can do it again."_

Virgil swallowed. "Because of you."

A sharp sound, like an animal's roar or claws screeching on metal, erupted into the air. Virgil clamped his hands over his ears and hoped that his heart would settle down. The blood thumping in his ears was making it harder to hear, yet the disembodied voice continued to whisper into his ear with perfect clarity.

 _"Looks like there's no other Sides to help you now,"_  the voice said. It was mockingly sympathetic, like a supervillain who'd just captured the hero in those movies Thomas liked to watch.  _"I suppose they abandoned you…kind of like how you abandoned me?"_

"You're wrong," Virgil said quickly. "This is something you're doing, isn't it? They wouldn't…No. It's you, not them."

The voice laughed in the darkness and Virgil realized that the voice had finally stuck in one place. His heart beat faster. This couldn't be him, this couldn't be him…  _"Well, the good news is they didn't abandon you. But the bad news is…Well. You'll just have to wait and see."_

There was a long pause, and Virgil began to think that maybe he'd just left. Like an apparition or a dream, like he was never there in the first place. But then Virgil saw a ripple in the darkness and he stepped forward into view and Virgil's stomach dropped to his feet.

He was older than when Virgil last saw him, which made sense, considering that was fifteen years ago. He looked like Thomas, in a demonic sort of way. His hair was dark, yet paler than when they were young. His skin was tinted blue and the shadows danced around him like a hazy mirage. His nails were long and black like they belonged on a monster's hand, not his. His eyes were the scariest: black where the whites were supposed to be, the pupils a deep red instead of black. They looked like they could pierce through Virgil's soul. Then, of course, there was his outfit. Gone was the blanket around his neck like a cape or the bright red shirt and winged emblem. Instead he wore black, a coat with a tall hood that reminded Virgil a frightening amount of the outfit he'd been forced to wear when they were turned into cartoon characters. Was that where Thomas had gotten the inspiration?

"Virgil," he said in greeting. He grinned, like he'd just said a funny joke, but his eyes were unfeeling. They stared at Virgil hungrily, like a wolf staring down a rabbit. Virgil felt very small, vulnerable. Naked.

Virgil swallowed down the lump in his throat and tried to stand a little taller. He wanted to appear like he wasn't afraid. Of course, he'd just spent the last few minutes utterly terrified. The façade probably didn't matter anymore.

"Not going to greet me?" he asked Virgil, raising an eyebrow.

Virgil's mouth was dry. He didn't want to. He wanted this whole thing to end before it really began. He was terrified, and he knew it was because of him. Because of… "Parker."

Parker's grin widened and it sent another chill down Virgil's spine, but he willed himself not to shiver. "It's been years since anyone has used my name. There's such a power to it. A comfort, almost...don't you think?" That grin grew ever wider. Was it going to split his face in two? How can anyone smile so wide? "Of course, you were always pretty secretive with your name. It was a little secret to whisper to me, or to Pat. You thought that names held power, isn't that right?  _Virgil?_ "

Virgil trembled and he silently cursed himself. He looked away and earned a laugh from Parker.

"I guess you aren't terribly secretive anymore. Everyone knows your name now. There's nothing special about it anymore." Parker shrugged. "But when was there ever anything special about you?" Virgil cringed and he still refused to look up. "Fine. If you won't play along, then perhaps I'll just make you. Like the others."

Virgil looked up with wide eyes to see Parker storming towards him. Virgil's heart felt like it was about to pop out of his chest and he felt a sudden force tug at him, summoning him to the physical realm. Thomas was calling him.

 _I've never wanted to be called more in my life,_  Virgil thought as he allowed himself to be pulled up and away from the mindscape and into the physical realm of reality.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So it was confirmed that Patton didn’t know Virgil’s name but I wrote this before the reveal and I headcanoned that Patton was the only side who did know his name so…just go with it.

_23 years ago…_

_"Roll call!" Logan announced. The other sides lumbered out to the open room, rubbing their eyes. The only one that seemed chipper and awake at this early hour was Patton, who stood tall as the others lined up beside him. "Alright. Logic—I'm here, obviously. Morality."_

_"Here!" Patton replied with a wide smile. He was still dressed in his pajamas, which made Logan frown. Sure, he enjoyed his pajamas as well, but he still got dressed to face the day like any respectable five-year-old would. Still, he only shook his head and moved on._

_"Creativity."_

_Roman yawned and waved his hand in a form of greeting. He was still sleepy, trying to wake up with Thomas. Creativity was always sluggish in the morning, and in contrast, Roman was always the last to go to bed because he always wanted to stay up with Thomas before going to dreamland._

_"Anxiety," Logan continued._

_"Here," Virgil said softly, looking down at the ground. He still wasn't terribly comfortable with some of the other Sides. They were still young and Virgil was shy, which in turn made Thomas kind of shy and meant he had some trouble interacting with the other kids too. Virgil couldn't help that he was timid. Patton seemed okay, at least, and…_

_"Fear."_

_"Present!" Parker called cheerfully, flashing a wide grin. Per usual, his red blanket was tied around his neck like a cape—like he was a superhero._

_Virgil chuckled softly. "The ever-frightening lord of darkness is here."_

_Parker turned to him and grinned. "That's right! I'll strike fear into your heart! Ooooh, ooooh!" He leaned closer, throwing all of his weight onto Virgil, who could barely hold him up._

_Virgil giggled and tried to push him off. "You're not scary at all! Liar liar!"_

_"Anxiety," Logan said bluntly. Virgil let out a yelp and straightened up, causing Parker to nearly fall on his face now that he had no supports. "This is serious."_

_"Parker started it," Virgil mumbled._

_Parker stuck out his tongue as he stood up. "Sure, always blame me,_ Anxiety _!" He giggled and reached out to smoosh Virgil's face. He knew Virgil's real name, as did Patton. They were the only ones that Virgil felt comfortable enough with. He had yet to reveal such simple information to Logan or to Roman._

_"This is serious," Logan repeated with a sigh._

_"Come ooon, how serious can it be?" Parker looked back at Logan. "Thomas has fun. You don't have to treat every day like Kindergarten."_

_Logan only looked more annoyed, and his lips pursed like he was sucking on a lemon. "Thomas_ _is in Kindergarten."_

_"Exactly! There's enough school and rules as it is. Have some fun." Parker skipped over and tugged at Logan's sweater vest. "You look all stuffy."_

_"Stop it!" Logan barked, swatting his hand away. Parker only stuck out his tongue again. "We're supposed to be taking care of Thomas."_

_Parker put his hands on his hips. "We are! Do you think he'd enjoy being told what to do all the time? There's a reason it's not just you running the show." He turned and smiled at the others. "Isn't that right?"_

_"I think that Logan is doing a wonderful job," Patton said._

_Roman didn't seem to be as agreeable. "He makes everything boring! I want to play not act like an adult."_

_"We're not acting like adults," Logan said with a frown. "Although that would probably be a lot easier."_

_"Nooo!" Roman moaned. "It would be terrible! And only adults do roll calls. Kids never do roll calls. You're being an adult and it's boring!"_

_"Calm down everyone," Patton said, making grand gestures with his hands as though that would settle them down. "Fighting is not going to help anyone. Remember what Thomas is learning? You should talk when you're upset instead of fighting and being mean."_

_"Thomas is falling asleep again," Virgil mumbled, but nobody seemed to listen. Thomas always had an absent mind on the drive to Kindergarten in the morning, and Virgil seemed to be the only one realizing that he was nodding off._

_Parker shook his head. "Roman is right. We should enjoy ourselves and have fun. You're not Mommy, Logan."_

_"I never said that!" Logan frowned and crossed his arms. He looked like the one old Muppet critic who sat in the balcony at the theatre. None of them could ever remember their names._

_The arguing probably would have continued if everything hadn't suddenly gone dark. Everyone froze and looked up. This must have been a bad dream taking shape—or a nightmare, as the adults called them. Thomas rarely had them, but when they did, they completely ruined his day._

_"He must have fallen asleep in the car," Logan said, glancing around uncertainly._

_"That's what I was saying," Virgil murmured. He clung to Parker, who put an arm around him protectively. "Parker…"_

_Parker only grinned. "No, this is perfect! This is something that all of us can enjoy!"_

_Logan stared at him. "It's a nightmare."_

_"Yeah, and I've been practicing how to make them into good things! First, we need to find the bad thing and—"_

_A roar in the darkness answered their question. Parker turned and pointed towards where the sound came from. "Roman! I need some light!"_

_Roman nodded and immediately thought up nightlights and ceiling lights and lamp stands, all of which appeared and lit up the area around them. They were met with a tall, scaly creature, with a long neck and glittering scales. Smoke exhaled from its nostrils and its sharp red eyes glowered down at them. Its wings flapped, gusting up a huge wind that nearly knocked Patton down off his feet, but Roman caught him before he lost his footing._

_"Dragon," Roman said uneasily. "Well, Parker? What do we do now?"_

_Parker took a step forward and pointed at the beast. "You're not a dragon! You're a dragon-witch!"_

_The dragon transformed, earning a witch's hat and boiling cauldron at its feet. Roman gasped and it was his turn to stumble back and be caught by Patton, who wrapped his arms around Roman protectively._

_"What are you doing?" Patton asked, trying to keep his voice calm but he was already edging on hysterical. "That makes everything worse!"_

_"No, it doesn't!" Parker replied happily. "Roman, don't you hate dragons?"_

_"Yeah…"_

_"And witches?"_

_"Even more."_

_"Well this is a dragon-witch in front of you! Aren't you going to defeat it?"_

_Roman still didn't look happy. He was quaking in Patton's arms. "Um…"_

_"Roman, you're the bravest of us here, and the only one to vanquish the dragon-witch. Don't you want to protect us like the hero you are?"_

_He was hesitant for a moment, staring at the creature, before a determined look entered his face. He stood up, escaping from Patton's arms, and withdrew his sword from thin air. "Look out, beast! I won't let you hurt my friends!"_

_Parker laughed as Roman charged at the beast, despite Patton's cries of shock._

_"Logan!" Parker yelled, turning and grinning. Logan was caught off guard and looked at him with wide eyes. "Does this make sense?!"_

_"N…No!"_

_"Is this real?"_

_"Of course not! There are no dragons in real life, especially not dragon-witches!"_

_Parker clapped his hands in excitement. "Exactly!" He looked back at the beast, his grin never wavering. "You can't be afraid of something that's not real! Take it down, Roman!"_

_Virgil remained close to Parker, clinging onto his blanket cape. Parker was never afraid. Virgil, on the other hand, was always nervous and uneasy. Things like this was terrifying to him. Even if dragon-witches weren't real…what if they were? What if they got hurt anyway? Couldn't you get hurt in the dreamscape?_

_But he watched with wide eyes as Roman went at the beast, hacking away at its limbs and jumping out of the way of magic spells it casted. Even Logan ran in to join, counteracting the magic with the power of disbelief and lucid dreaming. Virgil looked up at Parker who just watched them, positively beaming with pride. Virgil wondered if he would ever be able to be that brave in the face of danger._

_"Virgil?" Parker said. Virgil blinked, focused, and nodded. "I think you all are super cool."_

* * *

 

"Virgil!" Thomas gasped. Virgil looked around, trying to gather his bearings. He was in the physical world. Parker wasn't there. Thomas had called him so—wait, Thomas had called him?

"Thomas, what's wrong?" Virgil said, now that he had a good look at him. Thomas was sat on his bed, clutching a pillow tightly against his chest and his eyes kept darting around uncertainly.

Thomas gulped and struggled to get his words out for a second. "I just feel really terrified for no reason. I tried to call Logan, and he didn't answer, and neither did Roman or Patton. I thought you weren't going to either, but you're, uh…what—what's going on? Are you making me feel like this? This isn't the usual anxiety I feel."

Virgil didn't have time to dwell on the fact that he was the last one that Thomas called for. He moved to sit on the edge of the bed and Thomas just shifted backwards. Virgil couldn't tell if it was his own paranoia that made Thomas move or if he really was still uncomfortable with him.

"It's a long story," Virgil began. "I can't really…I can't explain all of it. Long story short, there's another Side you don't know about."

"There's a what?"

"Like I said, long story. He's Fear, like I'm Anxiety or Logan is Logic or whatever. He's…He's kind of upset, and so I think he's giving off a lot of fear energy that's making you feel like this."

Thomas stared, clearly not comprehending what was going on. Virgil didn't blame him. It was a lot to take in at once. Thomas just shook his head and said, "Okay, okay fine. But  _why_  is he doing this? How come I didn't know about him sooner?"

"Again, long story. I think he's angrier at us than he is at you, but he's part of you so it still affects you and…Look, we're trying to fix the problem. I think."

"You  _think?_ _"_

"I don't know where the others were! I just saw  _him_  and then you called me so I didn't exactly get a chance to make a game plan with the others."

Thomas hugged the pillow tighter. "So why won't they come when I call? They won't even say anything."

Virgil paused. "…I don't know. They should." That didn't make any sense. He knew that Sides could resist being called, but they usually gave Thomas a reason or an explanation. There was no reason why they should be ignoring Thomas now…unless they couldn't manifest. Like if they couldn't leave the mindscape… "Oh."

"Oh? What oh? What do you know? Virgil, what is going on?!"

"Calm down! Er…I guess that won't do anything but just. Breathe, okay?" Virgil shifted and got to his feet to start pacing. His own nervous energy was starting to manifest and he didn't want to put that on Thomas too, when he was already like this. "I think he may have trapped the others somehow, in the mindscape."

"Mindscape?"

"It's where we go when we sink down. Our physical forms leave and instead we return into your mind. You call it the mind palace, we call it the mindscape because it's a landscape in more ways than it's an actual building and—oh never mind, that's not important!" Virgil took a deep breath. He was getting worked up. He had to approach this reasonably. He had to not think about Parker or what he said or what he could be doing to the other Sides at the moment. "The point is, if they are being trapped by him…I have to get them out."

Thomas squeezed the pillow and closed his eyes. "You can do that? You—You'll be okay?"

Virgil glanced at Thomas for a moment. Was he worried about him, or was this just Parker's fear talking? "Uh, yeah. I should be…fine." He hoped so, anyway. He didn't want to go back into the mindscape at all, because that meant potentially facing Parker again. He couldn't stand that. But if he ignored it, who knew what could happen to the Sides? Or what could happen to Thomas? If Parker's fear continued to grow then he could potentially fall into an even worse state. Virgil didn't want that either. "I'll be back, okay, Thomas?"

"Okay." Thomas's voice shook and he swallowed before repeating in a—somewhat—steadier voice, "Okay. Be careful, with whatever is going on." A pause. "Virgil?"

"What?"

"What if this guy comes into the physical world? What then?"

Virgil didn't have an answer. Instead, he opted to say, "He's never formed in reality before. I don't think you'll have to worry." Virgil really didn't know, though. But what more could he say? "Stay safe. I'll be back soon."

"Okay…You too."

Virgil nodded, more to assure himself than Thomas, and finally sunk back down, entering back into the mindscape.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next few chapters will be...fun :)

 

The mindscape was dark. It made things harder for Virgil to navigate, and he moved slowly. Every footstep was cold as he walked through a couple inches of icy water that had drenched the floor. Virgil had no idea where he was going, and even if he did, he had no idea where to go. The Sides could be anywhere, and Virgil didn't want to risk trying to call out to them. Even if they could respond, which Virgil doubted they could if they wouldn't answer Thomas, there was also the risk of Parker hearing him. Virgil wanted to keep as much distance between himself and Parker as possible.

Virgil probably could have wandered for hours, but he happened upon what he was looking for out of sheer luck. He stopped short and his breathe caught in his throat. It was a little hard to see in the low lighting, but Virgil saw what looked to be a large box with murky, shadowy walls. He stepped closer, carefully, cautiously. With a somewhat shaking hand, he reached out to touch the walls, but instead his hand fell through. He withdrew it immediately and took several steps back, clutching his hand to his chest. His fingers felt ice cold, like he'd left them in cold water for a few minutes.

The walls were different, not solid, but there was no mistaking what this was. It was a prison, meant to insulate fear. Virgil had experienced one before already, and he didn't want to go back inside. But one of the Sides had to be in there, and Thomas needed them right now. Virgil couldn't do anything but make the situation worse with his anxiety, so no matter who was here, he needed to get them out. For their sake and for Thomas's.

Virgil moved forward again to enter the box, but he stopped short and drew back again. His breathing was already ragged and he had to hold his hands up over his face and imagine he wasn't there right now. That was hard to do considering his numb fingers and cold, wet shoes.

"You have to do this, you have to do this," he chanted to himself. He couldn't back down and he couldn't be a coward right now. He had to go in there. But…Virgil was scared. Beyond that: he was terrified. It was hard to control his breathing and the memories of the last time he'd been trapped in one of those only made the feelings of despair heavier and more suffocating. "There are no walls. You can leave whenever you want. It's okay. Just go in there. Just go in."

Without lowering his hands, Virgil took a couple tentative steps forward. Maybe if he didn't see when he was going to enter it, then he wouldn't be afraid. Unfortunately, that only made his anxiety skyrocket and he froze in his spot, gasping for air and trying to prevent himself from completely panicking. Virgil took deep breaths and counted to ten with each inhale and exhale, just like Patton had taught him when they were little. That managed to at least calm his breathing, and even though his heart was still racing in his chest, he at least felt like he could move his feet again.

"This is to help Thomas," Virgil reminded himself. He stared at the shadowy wall, trying to build up the courage to walk through. "Just go in, get whoever is in there, and get out. You'll be fine. He won't be there. It won't be like before. Just go in and help."

Virgil swallowed down another lump of nerves and finally pushed himself through the wall.

He was immediately hit with cold. Not simple rainy-day cold, not winter cold, not even walk-in freezer cold. This was ice cold. Twenty below zero cold. The kind of cold that pierced your skin and gnawed down to your bones. The kind of cold that made you sneeze just by feeling it and turned you sluggish, making it hard to move your feet. Virgil felt like falling and curling up and just allowing his body to freeze into a block of ice.

But he didn't do that. He kept moving forward. He wanted to turn back, and every part of his body was telling him to, but he only continued to push forward. He had to make progress. He had to.

The box shouldn't have been that big. From what Virgil saw on the outside, it was only a few square feet, but Virgil had been walking for about a minute and still had yet to reach the other side. His heart beat like a drum in his chest and Virgil wondered if this was just a trick of Parker's in order to trap him. Make him think he found one of the Sides, but really it was just to trap  _him_. Could Parker have known where he was going to be, in order to set this up?

Virgil stopped short when he heard disembodied voices whispering around him.  _You're not needed_ , they said.  _Thomas doesn't need you. You only cause problems for him and the others._ No. Oh no. This  _was_  a trap! Parker  _did_  set this up for him! Virgil nearly lost control on his breathing when the voice added,  _He's emotional and you're just…not. Who needs a cold robot for a Side?_

Oh. This wasn't about Virgil. That thought alone helped him to calm down a bit more, though his pulse was still racing. If this wasn't about him, then it had to be about another side.

"Logan," Virgil murmured. He looked around and tried to walk in a different direction. This whole place was confusing. It was supposed to be so small, but it never ended. Luckily for him, that somehow made finding Logan easier.

Logan was crouched on the ground, holding his hands over his ears, but Virgil knew that he could still hear the whispers. They danced around the both of them like snakes, hissing and slithering all over them, demanding to be noticed. Virgil still could hardly believe what he was seeing, though. Logan was always the stoic, collected one, but here he was, shaking like a leave and mumbling to himself. He looked like a kid; a tiny, scared kid.

Virgil lowered himself down in front of him. "Logan," he said, attempting to be gentle. When Logan didn't seem to hear him, he said louder, "Logan." Still, he didn't look up. The voices were loud here, and Virgil could barely hear his own voice as he spoke. He took a deep breath and reached out to grab Logan by the shoulders.  _"Logan."_

Logan jerked and looked up, finally being drawn out of whatever shell he'd retreated into. He stared for a moment, blinking a couple times, like he was trying to process who was in front of him. "Virgil?"

Virgil sighed with relief and nodded. "Come on. We have to get out of here." He began to rise but Logan didn't move. "What?"

"I…I can't get out. I tried, Virgil. I walked in a straight line for five minutes and it was like I didn't make any progress. This isn't the mindscape, but—"

"No, it's a prison."

"Yes, exactly, so—"

"No, Logan. It's a  _prison._  Like the one you made."

Logan stared, his mouth agape. "That…That's what this is?" Virgil nodded. Logan finally got to his feet, slowly, like his joints were aching. "Then…Then how are we supposed to get out?"

"We'll figure it out."

"Virgil I've walked for  _minutes_  and there was no progress!"

Virgil groaned. "Yes, I heard you! But it—it's fine! There has to be a trick. There's always a trick to getting out. They aren't solid walls like the one you and the others made. I walked right through. He can't make good prisons if he's trapped you and Patton and Roman. So they must just be illusions or something, and there's always a way to beat an illusion."

Logan looked like he wanted to argue, but he simply didn't say anything. Virgil was grateful for that. He gestured for Logan to come with him and Logan did, sticking close. They both expected to walk to no avail, but after only a few steps, they left the prison.

"What…How…?" Logan looked back at the prison, confused.

Virgil was confused too. "Both of us were trapped in there until we walked together…Maybe that's the trick. He isolated all of you so you were unable to find your way out alone. But because I was there, we were able to walk straight out." Virgil had no idea if that was actually true, but it at least made some sort of sense.

"Alone," Logan echoed. "Virgil, it…That prison is so  _lonely_ , and he just kept playing those voices over and over again and I—I can't imagine. It was just so dark and cold, and I was alone…"

"I know." Logan looked back at Virgil, his eyes wide, lips parted slightly, like he wanted to say something. But Virgil had already moved on. "You need to go and comfort Thomas. Parker's fear is freaking him out and he needs someone logical to help calm him down."

Logan didn't look convinced. "But I'm not—"

"Look, ignore what those voices said, alright? You are needed. You run the whole show. If Thomas didn't have logic then he wouldn't be able to understand anything that happens around him. He'd be lost in Princey's world every day and he'd have no life. You're important. So don't give me any of that 'I'm not really necessary' stuff, okay? He needs you, so go and calm him down."

Virgil had even surprised himself with that, and Logan's expression only echoed that. He gave Logan a look as if to tell him to hurry up.

"What are you going to do, then?" Logan asked uncertainly.

"I have to find the others."

Again, Logan looked uneasy. It was weird seeing Logan as anything but stoic. "Virgil, I'm sure it was bad enough going into one of those things. If the others really are being kept in them—"

"Look, I can't help Thomas right now and if you come with me then we're only leaving him alone for longer than necessary. Will you just listen to me for once? I think I know what's best for Thomas every once in a while, okay?"

Virgil's voice shook. He heard it, and he knew that Logan heard it, and he hated it. He wasn't brave. His entire existence was the opposite of brave. He overthought everything and was frightened and nervous and apathetic about everything anyway. He gladly would have sent Logan to get the others if he could. But Virgil knew that he couldn't have that, and he knew that Logan knew it too.

Logan finally nodded. "Be quick about it. I don't want you in there for too long."

"Of course."

Virgil watched as Logan disappeared, leaving to the physical world to help Thomas. When he was out of sight, Virgil let out a gasp and sunk to his knees for a moment. The cold water seeped through his jeans, but he ignored it for a moment. Logan's prison was different, but also the same. Virgil hated every second he was in it. And now he had to go find two more.


	8. Chapter 8

It wasn't hard to find the next prison, which Anxiety was both grateful for and despised. It meant finding the next Side sooner, but it also meant being forced to enter it sooner too. Virgil came to a stop in front of the new cube. His hands were still shaking and he stuffed them into his pockets, hoping that that would stop the movement, but it only made his entire body tremble. He tried to take a deep breath.

"You know what it's like in there," Virgil said, trying to give himself a pep talk. He realized immediately that he was pretty bad at it. "You don't want to experience that again, but neither do they. If you leave then both of them are going to be trapped. They don't deserve that. So, come on. Just get in, find whoever is in there, and get out. It's simple. So just move and do it."

Virgil still remained planted, staring at the box. He had no idea what could be inside. Logan's prison had scared him enough, making Virgil think it was his, and Virgil still didn't feel warm after how cold it had been in there. But…Thomas was counting on him. Logan too, probably. Logic alone wouldn't be enough to calm Thomas down. He needed all of his Sides to assure him that there was nothing to fear. Well…almost all of his Sides.

Using another split second of courage, Virgil was able to propel himself into the prison, and back into darkness.

What he noticed first was the overwhelming smell of metal, like iron rust had been scraped off of old rail cars. Virgil then realized that no longer was there cold water underfoot, but instead something warm and thick. He looked down and bent closer before realizing that it was the source of the smell as well: blood.

Virgil gagged, and clamped a hand over his mouth. He had to remind himself that this wasn't real. It was a hallucination created by Parker to torture…whoever was in here. Virgil figured that this could torture just about everyone, with how overwhelming the smell was and the constant reminder of the blood squishing under shoes. But Virgil tried to push that out of his mind and focus. He had to find whoever this prison belonged to, and if this prison was like Logan's, then Virgil wouldn't be able to leave without them anyway.

Virgil tried to forget about that last bit.

He walked, focusing on anything other than the sea of blood which seemed to be contained in the small box. Unfortunately, the only other thing to focus on were the voices that buzzed around his ears like flies.  _You failed_ , they said.  _You failed all of them. How are you supposed to protect anyone in your sorry state? You're supposed to be the brave one._

"Roman?" Virgil mumbled. Patton wasn't exactly the picture of bravery, but if that was the case, then these voices didn't seem to make sense. Roman didn't protect them. They together protected Thomas, which protected them. So what were these voices supposed to mean, saying that he failed them, or couldn't protect 'anyone'?

Virgil continued to wander, blocking out the smell and the voices buzzing like flies, until he found the Side he was looking for. Roman was just…sitting there. In the blood. He looked dazed, frightened, and tired, all at once. He must have heard Virgil, because he turned his head. Virgil stared and Roman stared back. Roman didn't even seem bothered at this point that he was sitting in blood, or that his clothes were stained with the crimson, or that his face was half covered in the blood as well. Virgil began to ask, "Roman are you okay?" when Roman jumped to his feet and threw his arms around Virgil.

The smell of blood was somehow even stronger now and Virgil had to bite down hard on his tongue to keep from making any disgusting sounds. Roman hugged tighter and that managed to remind Virgil that the blood wasn't the only weird thing in this picture.

"Why are you hugging me?" Virgil managed to whisper.

"I-I thought you were…" Roman's voice sounded hoarse, like he'd been screaming for a long time. Finally, he withdrew, holding Virgil at an arm's length, like he didn't want him to disappear. "Earlier, there was Parker, and he attacked you and you were stabbed through the stomach, and—!"

Virgil shook his head. "Calm down. I'm fine. Parker was only playing mind games with you."

Roman took a shaky breath, but still seemed lost. "So…So none of that happened? Nothing?"

"Nothing. This isn't real either." Virgil gestured to the blood around them and the whispers overhead. "He's only trying to scare you to keep you trapped here."

"Here? Where's here?"

"It's another prison."

Roman's eyes widened. "You mean like…?" Virgil nodded. Roman exhaled and looked around. Virgil couldn't tell if he was just shocked or if he was on the verge of tears. "Oh my stars, Virgil, I had no idea this was what it was like…"

"Just. It's fine." It wasn't, but Virgil didn't want Roman to dwell on it. They had more important things at hand. "Look. Parker is freaking Thomas out right now. He's messing with Thomas's fear levels. I already found Logan, and he's helping right now, but he needs everyone there. We have to get out of this place, and then you have to go help calm him down."

Roman frowned. "And you?"

"I still need to find Patton."

"Ah." Roman looked a little deflated. Virgil realized for the first time how tired he looked. Roman was never tired anymore. "Alright then…Lead the way out of this place. I guess."

Virgil nodded. He began to walk away, to lead them out somewhere, and Roman grabbed his arm, sticking close. Virgil still really wasn't one for physical contact, but he bit his tongue and stayed quiet. There was something frighteningly comforting about Roman wanting to stick with him. It was clear that whatever hallucination Parker had shown him—Virgil getting hurt, apparently?—really affected Roman. It was almost sweet, in the most messed up of ways.

"Virgil," Roman said softly.

"Hmm?"

"Are you okay?"

Virgil stopped and turned to look at Roman. Roman looked so small, for some reason. He was always the big, grandiose Side, and now he looked like a little kid. Hell, he looked like  _Virgil_  as a little kid: timid and trying to make himself tinier. "Have you seen yourself? I should be asking you that question."

"I mean…You were in one of these things for a long time. You're already anxious as it is. Do you…Do you really want to have to go into another one to find Patton?"

Virgil shifted on his feet and looked away. No. He didn't want to go into another one. He would give anything to  _not_  have to go into another one. The very thought of it made him so sick that he'd been trying to think about anything else. If Virgil could, he would never set foot near another one of these things again.

"I can't help Thomas," Virgil said finally. "He needs you and the others to help him right now. So I have to do this."

Roman let out a soft chuckle and nodded. "Well. You're braver than me."

They continued walking and got out of the prison as easily as Virgil had with Logan. Now that they were out, any trace of the blood disappeared. Roman's clothes were still stark white, his hair wasn't sticky, and even the smell of the blood was gone from their noses and minds.

"I'll try to be quick in bringing Pat back," Virgil said, finally prying his arm away from Roman. "Logan should have calmed Thomas down a little bit, so you have to help cheer him up. Once everyone is gathered, we can figure out a way to stop Parker."

Roman nodded and straightened. He looked tall again. He looked like he was about to go when he added, "Take care of yourself, Hot Topic."

Virgil might have smiled, despite everything. Through all of this horror, it was nice to have a speck of normalcy again. But he was too on edge to smile. "You too, Princey."

With that, Roman left, ascending to the physical realm.

Virgil still had to find Patton's prison. And he really, really didn't want to. So much for being brave.


	9. Chapter 9

By this time, it didn't take too long to find Patton's prison. Virgil had almost gotten used to the freezing water underfoot, and the near inability to see with how dark it was. Still, when Virgil found Patton's prison, he wanted to turn and keep walking.

So it seemed that every prison was different, which only made things worse. At least if they were the same, he knew what to expect. But Logan's had been freezing cold and Roman's had been filled with blood. The only similarity was the random disembodied voice whispering doubts, and that was the one thing that Virgil could gladly have done  _without_.

Virgil stared at the shifting, shadowy walls. There was something new in this prison, but this prison wasn't his. It was Patton's. Patton deserved this torture the least out of all the Sides. He hadn't tried to hurt Parker. He had only wanted what was best for Thomas. They were so young; how could they have known anything? And now…

Virgil took a deep breath. Everything ached and his common sense was screaming at him to leave. But he'd gotten used to using a split second of courage to do something he really didn't want to do.  _It's for Thomas,_  he repeated to himself. It was for him, and for Patton. He couldn't be a coward. He had to be brave, just like Roman said, even if he didn't feel like it. Virgil finally pushed his way into the prison.

He promptly began falling.

His heart leapt into his throat as the floor gave way beneath him and he began to fall. It was dark and Virgil couldn't see anything. He clamped his hands over his eyes as his chest thundered like a drumline. He was falling and he was going to hit the ground eventually and then he was going to die. Patton was probably already dead. Parker had thrown him into this prison and he fell and he died and Thomas would never know right from wrong again and he wouldn't be able to be emotional and fear would take over and they all would be trapped in these boxes again without being able to escape and everything would  _end._

Except it didn't. Virgil kept falling, for one minute, and then two. After a while, he realized that he wasn't going to end up hitting the bottom. Whatever this prison was, it definitely wasn't like the others. It just left them eternally falling.

Virgil couldn't move much in this way. He could angle his body slightly to move around the prison, but he didn't make much progress. "Patton?" he called out. "Pat are you there?"

He received no answer, except for the voices. These voices were different, Virgil had realized. Whereas in the other prisons it was a random, unknown voice speaking, this prison had two voices. At least, Virgil assumed they were two voices. They were Thomas's voice—or rather, the Sides' voice. They each had their own little tics that differentiated their voices. Patton's was chipper and upbeat all the time, Logan's was usually monotone, Roman had a voice of grandiosity, and Virgil's voice was dull and deeper. Virgil heard his voice being played overhead, as well as a different voice that didn't fit into any of those categories—it must have been Parker's.

The voices were exchanging their own words, and they were deafening.

 _"How could you do this to us?"_  Parker's voice boomed.

 _"I wanted to be let out but you still made me stay,"_  cried Virgil's voice.

_"Twenty years in darkness and you never visited."_

_"You hate me just like the others. You made me hate myself."_

_"You let him out but you left me. You did this to me."_

Virgil tried to hold his hands over his ears. The words weren't directed at him, but they still affected him. They were still demanding, judgmental, and filled to the brim with emotions. Parker was somehow able to create such a convincing replica of Virgil's voice that even Virgil was beginning to believe what he was hearing. Or maybe he had always thought those things, but just never spoke them aloud.

"Patton!" Virgil yelled again. Then, quieter, barely audible underneath the booming voices, Virgil heard something. It sounded like weeping. He looked around and finally spotted a flash of blue in the dark. Trying his best to aim his body in that direction, Virgil managed to get closer and Patton came into view. His face was buried in his hands, and his crying was louder now, echoing into wails that almost rivaled the volume of the voices. "Pat!"

Virgil got close enough and put his hands on Patton's shoulders. Patton jerked and looked up. His eyes were bloodshot, his cheeks flushed, his nose snotty, and his face completely drenched in tears. It took Virgil a moment to realize that Patton had put his glasses in his pocket, and hadn't just lost them in the fall.

"Virgil," Patton whimpered. His voice was absolutely broken, like it was something glass that had been shattered. Virgil had never heard something so awful in his life. Patton choked on another sob and covered his face again. "Virgil I'm so sorry! I'm so so sorry!"

"Pat, please," Virgil murmured. "It's okay."

"It's not though!" Patton cried. "It must have been awful! I should have stopped them from trying to trap either of you but I didn't do anything. I just let it happen and that's not fair to you! It's not fair to Parker! I hurt the both of you so badly!" Another sob. It was rare that Patton cried so honestly and with emotions running so deep. Virgil's own heart was aching. "I'm so sorry Virgil…!"

Virgil squeezed his shoulders. "Patton, it's  _okay._  I don't hate you or the others for what happened. We were kids and we didn't know any better and you were just trying to protect Thomas. I've moved past it. I've forgiven you."

Patton looked up from his hands. He was still an absolute mess, but his sobs seemed to have quelled a little. "You don't have to forgive me, if—if you don't want to."

"I already have. We're getting better. I told you all my name. That's a big step from when we were little, right? And you already knew my name. I trusted you then and I trust you now…It's okay, Patton. You don't have to feel guilty about this anymore."

Patton sniffed and a couple more tiny cries left him, but he wiped off his face and nodded. "Okay…Okay. I'm sorry, I…Okay." He looked at Virgil again and whispered, "Can I hug you?"

Virgil nodded and Patton wrapped him up in the biggest, tightest hug Virgil had ever experienced. There was even more emotion behind this one than the one Roman had given him. Virgil returned the hug, trying to mirror some of the comforting gestures Patton had always used: running his hand through Patton's hair, rubbing his back slightly, shushing him softly whenever another whimper left him.

By the time the hug was done, they had stopped falling. Virgil hadn't realized when they had slowed their fall, or that their feet had touched the ground. When they finally broke away, Patton looked just as confused as Virgil did.

"Let's get out of here," Virgil said, tugging on Patton's hand. "This is just a prison, like the one you and the others made. But we can get out of these, because Parker didn't make them solid. Thomas needs all of his Sides—all of his good ones anyway—with him right now. Parker is making him really upset."

"Virgil."

"What?"

"Thank you." Virgil looked at Patton, who returned his look. "I know this must have been hard, to come get me in one of these. And the others must have been in them too, right? So…thank you. You really helped us."

Virgil didn't know what to say. All of the Sides were being so strangely nice to him lately. It was nice, he supposed, but…It was still weird. He cleared his throat and glanced away. "Let's just…Let's get to Thomas, okay?"


	10. Chapter 10

When Virgil and Patton arrived in the physical realm, Logan and Roman were sitting with Thomas in the living room. Virgil almost felt relieved when he saw that Thomas didn't look as frightened as before. He was clearly still on edge, but not nearly to the debilitating degree that he was before.

"There you are," Thomas said with a smile. Patton rushed over and stopped short but Virgil could tell that he really wanted to give Thomas a hug. "Patton, are you okay? You look like you've been crying."

Patton smiled but it looked forced. "I'm okay Thomas! Things were just scary, that's all. But Virgil made things better." He slowly sat down on the ottoman. "How about you, kiddo? How are you doing?"

"I'm still nervous and upset, but I'm doing better. I'm just glad you all are safe." Thomas sat back on the couch and ran a hand through his hair. "So now that you're all here, can you please explain what's going on?"

Virgil looked at Logan. "You two didn't tell him?"

"I thought it would be best if we were all present to explain the story," said Logan. He shifted uneasily on his feet. "Since we only know half of the story."

Oh. They only knew about trapping Parker. They didn't know what happened  _inside_.

"So, let's start at the beginning," Logan said, crossing his legs. "You have a fifth side: Fear. His name is Parker."

"Fear?" Thomas repeated with a frown. "But I already have Anxiety."

"We're different," Virgil explained. He took a seat beside Patton. "I'm nervous energy and anxiety and jitters you get before something you find important. He's large scale, immobile fear, like being afraid of the dark or the supernatural or the inevitability of death."

Thomas still didn't look completely convinced. "But…That's what you do."

"Parker has been trapped for a long time. I've ended up taking on his jobs."

"Trapped?"

"When you were young," Patton continued, "Parker began to change. He could always cause fear, but he was usually the one to help you overcome fear, like talking to new people or not being afraid of monsters under your bed. But as you grew older and learned about more scary things, he began to become consumed by the idea of fear. Instead of protecting you from danger, he ended up putting you in danger."

Roman picked up the story from there. "Because of that, we decided that it wasn't safe for him to be out in the open where he could affect you that badly. We were still little kids. We didn't know how to deal with things like this, so we went to the extreme."

"We decided that we would isolate him in the back of your mind," Logan said. "That way he would have the least influence, and you would be able to operate correctly. We all agreed this was the best course of action."

"Almost all of us," Virgil muttered.

"Yes…almost all. Virgil was…sensible. He understood that this kind of idea was only a temporary solution and that it couldn't help anyone in the long run. But we couldn't understand that, and we were panicked. In the end, we trapped Virgil with Parker because we didn't want to risk him trying to release Parker himself."

Thomas looked at all of his Sides before he settled on Virgil. "How long were you in there?"

"Five years. You were eight when we were put in there, and I was let out when you were thirteen. Parker was left in there, though."

"And…" Thomas looked uncomfortable, but Virgil knew what he was inevitably going to ask. "What was it like, then? This prison you both were in?"

Virgil glanced at the floor. "I don't think you'd understand."

Roman glanced up. "Come on, Virgil. We all experienced it. We understand now."

"No, you don't." Virgil's voice was sharp and he crossed his arms. He hated having attention on him, and now everyone's eyes were firmly fixed. He didn't want this attention. He wanted to melt away into the floor. This whole situation…He wanted it to stop. "It was…so much worse than that. It was dark and it was cold and hot at the same time, and it was always wet. But that wasn't the bad part. Parker was more than upset, and he was afraid, and his fear began to manifest. He would yell at me sometimes, just because he was frustrated. Like kids do. But when things began to manifest, he couldn't control his hallucinations. They ran wild and they…they scared me. They didn't stop for five straight years. I thought I would just get used to them, but I didn't. They planted themselves onto me and even if I'd see it a thousand times before, it still scared me. It was a like a nightmare I couldn't wake up from. It was  _awful_. By the time Pat let me out, I would have done anything to keep Parker in there. I didn't know what he could do to Thomas, and I didn't know what he would do to me or the rest of us. So I told Patton to leave Parker in there, and I was brought back to the others, and things were…awkward."

"You did just show up out of nowhere," Logan said quietly. Virgil could tell he didn't even really believe his own excuses anymore. "We didn't know if you were angry at us or if you could cause damage to Thomas. We were just worried."

"And so you hated me for over ten years," Virgil concluded, keeping his gaze on the ground. "There's a reason we didn't officially meet until recently, Thomas. They were afraid of me, just like we're afraid of Parker now."

Thomas looked so shocked. "Virgil, I…I had no idea."

"We don't tell you these things because it's unfair to you. We're facets of your personality What happens to us affects you, and you have no control over that. It's easier if we just keep it to ourselves and try to do our jobs." Virgil sighed. "But now Parker is out, and that complicates things."

"How did he even get out?"

Logan cleared his throat. "Because Virgil refused to help, we were only able to put up three walls. We were able push his prison up to the very edge of the mindscape, in the back of the mind, creating a false fourth wall, but it was not completely stable or secure. He must have been able to let some of his hallucinations or otherwise leak out of the prison. From there he was able to trick me into saying the code phrase I had programmed for my wall to let it down, because I thought Virgil was in danger. If all of the walls are let down, he'd be released. Theoretically he could leave if only one wall was let down, but I think he sought to bring all of them down to make a point."

Roman nodded. "I had to destroy my wall. His illusion made it seem like he was out and was going to attack Virgil, so I tried to attack him, and he led me to the wall like a dog doing a trick." He sighed, frustrated. "I should have realized, but he motivates us by planting fear and making us forget what doesn't make sense—like him being out at all."

"He used Virgil's voice to make me think he was trapped again," Patton said softly. "I can only let down the wall if I really want to, so I normally can't be forced, but if Virgil was trapped, then I would do anything to let him out. I couldn't let him stay in there again."

Virgil sighed. "So once again, it's my fault."

Patton looked at him, panicked. "We didn't say that!"

"Parker used me in every single one of your hallucinations. I'm the reason you let down your walls. It's my fault."

"I think that's forgetting something very important," Logan said. "It was Parker who did this. You had nothing to do with it. You were used just like us. This isn't your fault, and it would be illogical to assume responsibility for something that you had no control over."

Virgil just shrugged, clearly not convinced. Whether or not he was used, he was still part of a method to do all of this harm. That wasn't fair to the others.

"It's terrible having no control, isn't it?"

Everyone froze. Virgil's heart sped up. He turned his head and his stomach dropped when he saw Parker standing there, fully formed in reality. His form was still grotesque and unnatural. He didn't look human.

Thomas was the first to speak. "Is…Is that…?"

"Parker," he replied, with a smile. "It's a pleasure to meet you, Thomas. It's been too long.” His gaze shifted to the others. “Did you think I wouldn’t notice? Did you think I was going to let you get away and plan something? I needed you all together.”

"Parker," Virgil said, slowly rising. "Please. We can talk about this."

"Talk about what? You just told the whole story. Well, the story you know, anyway. If you thought being in there for five years with someone else was bad, you should try being completely alone for fifteen. It's really something new."

Logan got to his feet as well. "It was wrong to put you there. We understand that now."

"Well now it's too late, isn't it? Look what you've done to me." Parker gestured to his appearance. "I thought I was going to die in there. Do you think it's possible to kill a Side like that? I was certain it was possible."

"You're not in there anymore. We won't try to put you there." Virgil's voice sounded weak, even in his ears. "You're scaring Thomas."

Parker's gaze shifted to Thomas, but if he felt anything, he didn't show it. "Am I? I didn't think I could do that anymore." An empty smile planted on his lips. "Let's see how badly I can scare him."

Thomas screamed, making everyone jump. The Sides looked to Thomas, who was pressed back into the couch, staring at nothing. His eyes were distant, like he was staring at something far away. He screamed again, tears filling his eyes.

"What are you doing to him?!" Patton demanded, looking frantically between Parker and Thomas.

"You said I scare him. I figured I should scare him worse."

Roman remained frozen as Thomas let out another scream, this one mixed in with a sob. "What are you showing him?!"

Parker shrugged and an image flickered to life, only for an instant. But an instant was all that Virgil could stomach. The room was littered with bodies, cold, unmoving. The air was freezing. There was red everywhere. Virgil only saw for a second, but he could identify Joan and Talyn and—God, all of Thomas's friends were there, in the sea of blood. Then the image was gone, but it was still firmly planted in Virgil's mind. He pressed a hand over his mouth to keep from retching as the scent of blood still danced in his nose. He knew that it wasn't real, but the fear that came with such an image had struck him hard. If this was what Thomas was seeing…

"How could you do this to him?" Patton wailed, burying his face in his hands. "Stop it! You're hurting him!"

"There's a way you all can stop it," Parker said.

Virgil looked at Parker, and for once he couldn't muster up a glare. He was just terrified. "What are you talking about?"

"A wipe. He'll forget about all of this. It would be good for him."

Virgil's heart stopped. A mind wipe was a last resort, usually used in case of trauma so utterly terrible that a person could no longer function. There were a few cases reported in the world of something called dissociative amnesia, where someone forgets everything about themself. Their name, their age, their experiences, every part of their memory. That was a mind wipe. And there'd be no coming back from it. All of the Sides had to agree to it, but if there was a wipe, Thomas's personality would be erased—and the Sides with it.

"No," Logan whispered. "We couldn't possibly…"

"Do you want him to continue suffering?" Parker asked. Thomas sobbed again. He was being completely torn apart, crumbling before their eyes. He couldn't process that this wasn't real. The fear was too strong, the illusion too realistic.

Virgil stared at Parker. "This would kill us."

"That's the point."

"This would kill you too."

"Am I really one of Thomas's Sides anymore, though?"

Blood thundered in Virgil's ears. He didn't know if Parker was just saying that as an excuse, or if he really didn't consider himself as a part of Thomas anymore, and therefore he wouldn't die with the wipe. Or maybe he did, and he just didn't care. His sight for vengeance was just so strong, so muddled by the years spent in isolation, that he was willing to go this far to do something so dangerous.

Thomas's shrieks became too much for Patton to bear. "Fine!" he shouted through his tears. "I agree! Just stop it! Stop hurting him!"

"Pat," Virgil said desperately, turning to him, but Patton was inconsolable. He felt every gut wrenching tear at Thomas's heart, and he was just as much of an emotional mess as Thomas was.

"He isn't going to stop," Logan said in a low voice. "We have to do this, Virgil. Thomas can't continue to suffer like this. It's going to break him."

"Logan, no—"

"I agree to the wipe."

"Logan!"

Roman stared hollowly at the ground, having not moved since they had seen the hallucination. Virgil knew that his creativity must have been running wild. With every nightmare, it was creativity that made it so much worse.

"Roman," Virgil said. "Come on. This isn't a solution."

"It's awful, Virgil," Roman said in a tiny voice. "I can't…I can't protect him. Or any of you. I can't…"

"You have a sword, Roman! Come on! Just—!" Virgil was growing more panicked. No one was listening to him. They never did, but why couldn't they, just once?!

Parker seemed unperturbed by all of this. "Is that a yes, Roman?"

Roman nodded hollowly. "You can do the wipe."

Virgil stared in horror. " _What?!_ "

"Virgil, please," Logan said. "I don't want to do this either but Thomas is in pain. It's our job to protect him and make sure he's okay, and he's suffering."

"This isn't going to help him. He's going to lose every part of himself! This is a tragedy, not a solution!"

"But soon he'll break and he'll lose every part of himself anyway! But we'll be here trapped among the broken pieces!" Logan was clearly growing impatient and losing sight of what made sense; he was scared. "Can you agree with me, just this once?! Can you help Thomas instead of causing problems for him?"

Help Thomas. This wasn't going to help him. This wipe wouldn't help anyone.

There's a funny thing about anxiety. When you get a rush of adrenaline, your heart speeds up and it affects your blood flow. Some people with panic attacks or severe anxiety can pass out because of this shift in blood flow. It would only be for a couple of minutes, but it would temporarily put the mind into darkness while the body recovered from the unstable levels of biochemistry.

Virgil was panicked. Thomas was panicked. Adrenaline was surging. If Virgil had to help Thomas, then he would.

Blood flow shifted in Thomas's body and he lost consciousness, throwing all of the Sides into darkness.


	11. Chapter 11

_20 years earlier…_

_"Virgil," Patton whispered. "There's something wrong with Parker."_

_Virgil looked past Patton's shoulder. Parker was pacing and looked incredibly troubled. His blanket wasn't tied around his neck like usual; instead, it was draped over his shoulder, and he was messing with the end of it. Virgil had noticed Parker's strange behavior lately as well. As Thomas had gotten older and learned more stuff about the world, Parker had grown to be more on edge. He was constantly checking around the mindscape for monsters and his energy was affecting Thomas too, making Thomas as timid as Virgil was. It was starting to become a problem._

_"He's doing his best," Virgil said uneasily. "He's just trying to keep Thomas safe."_

_"But Thomas is just always afraid. What if this isn't good? For either of them?" Patton's fingers tapped together and he kept glancing back at Parker. "Logan and Roman are getting worried too. Maybe we should talk to him? Try to work this out?"_

_Virgil shrugged. He wasn't sure what good that would do. Parker wasn't much for talking anymore either. He had become even quieter than Virgil lately and nobody really knew why._

_While Patton went over to talk to Parker, Logan and Roman walked over._

_"Did Patton talk to you too?" Roman asked, watching the both of them. Virgil nodded. "I have a bad feeling about all of this."_

_"He's just doing his best," said Virgil._

_Logan hummed and crossed his arms. "I think we should all talk to him tonight, while Thomas is asleep and we have less things to attend to. I don't want Parker getting distracted, especially when he's like this."_

_Virgil nodded. Thomas was on his way to the bus stop for school, accompanied by his mother, but Parker was still on edge and it showed in Thomas, the way he moved quickly but carefully and looked in every direction. Virgil was surprised that Thomas wasn't clinging to his mother's hand. Maybe Parker felt a little more relaxed today._

_"I just think it's important that we all talk to each other," Patton said, trying to put a hand on Parker's shoulder to station him. "We're all here for you."_

_"I'm fine," Parker snapped. "Do you know how hard it is to protect him from every dangerous thing? Do you know how easy it is for a kid to die? Do you know—"_

_Suddenly a dog jumped at Thomas, barking. It was the dog belonging to the man who lived down the street, and it was a large Great Dane. Parker used to just laugh off a scare like that, but now he screamed, which led to Thomas screaming, and running off to escape the threat of the dog. Parker temporarily had more control than Logan, than common sense, and he ended up running into the street. A blare of a horn made Thomas freeze and look to see the car barreling towards him._

_Time slowed down as the mind sped up._

_"Parker, stop it!" Logan shouted, running up to him. He pushed Patton out of the way in his rush. Parker looked absolutely frozen and his eyes were hazy and unseeing, like a deer caught in headlights. "PARKER!" Logan shouted, shaking Parker. Parker's glassy look finally left his eyes, and Thomas moved as the car swerved. The car slammed to a stop, but Thomas was safe, laying on the sidewalk where he'd fallen when he jumped out of the way. His mother and other nearby adults came rushing to his side to make sure he was okay._

_Virgil's adrenaline surged with Thomas's, and his breathing became sporadic as he absorbed the fact that Thomas almost died. He lowered to the floor and pulled his knees up to his chest._

_"Patton, help Anxiety," Logan instructed, not looking away from Parker. Parker had started to cry and Logan just shook him again. "What was that?! You're supposed to keep him safe. Safe! You nearly killed him!" Parker was crying too hard to respond. Instead he just shoved Logan away and ran to his room, slamming and locking the door behind him._

* * *

_"We need to do something about him," Logan said._

_Virgil shifted uncomfortably. Parker still had yet to come out of his room and now that Thomas had gone to bed, it was time for them to discuss. Thomas had been okay for the rest of the day, but had ended up not going to school because of the earlier scare. Thomas seemed happy to be able to stay home and watch cartoons, but he was also sad he didn't get to see his friends. But nothing bad had happened again, and Logan seemed convinced that was because Parker wasn't interfering._

_"He's just trying to do his best," Virgil said weakly._

_"And he nearly got Thomas killed."_

_Patton shifted, looking just as uncomfortable as Virgil. "Well what are you thinking of, Logan? We can sit him down and talk, try to work this out—"_

_"No." Logan looked serious; even more serious than he normally was. It made Virgil's stomach churn. "This problem is becoming too big. We need a more permanent solution."_

_"What is that supposed to mean?" Virgil asked softly._

_Logan glanced at Roman, who nodded and said, "If Parker is going to keep making things hard and almost get Thomas killed, then maybe it would be better if we could…make sure he can't do that anymore."_

_"And what's that supposed to mean?"_

_"We can trap him," Logan said. "In the back of the mind, where Thomas can't hear him. Where he can't do something like this again."_

_Virgil's eyes widened and he stood up. "You can't do that! That's wrong! He was just scared!"_

_"He is supposed to overcome fear and make sure Thomas stays safe from danger, not lead him into it!" Logan replied in equal volume. He didn't look up from his hands. "We can't risk this happening again. He doesn't like talking about it, and if this is the result of us letting him solve it by himself, then we have to put a stop to it."_

_"How are you supposed to trap him?"_

_"We can set up barriers. Like what we do to bad memories, to make Thomas forget. We can make him forget his fear."_

_"That's even worse! That will hurt Thomas!"_

_Logan shook his head. "He has you."_

_"I'm not Fear."_

_"You're close. You're good enough. He doesn't need both anyway."_

_Virgil couldn't believe what he was hearing. He shook his head. "You can't be serious…"_

_"I am. And so is Roman." Roman nodded and Logan looked at Patton. "Pat?"_

_Patton looked torn. He looked between the three of them and then looked down. "I…I-I…"_

_"Pat, please," Virgil said. "Parker is just afraid. We can make things better. We can help him."_

_"And what if we can't?" Logan asked. "What if we can't help him before it's too late? What if his outbursts end up getting Thomas killed, or interferes with his life so much that he can't grow or make friends? What if he doesn't want to leave the house anymore, or even his room, because he's so scared of everything? It's not healthy." Again, he looked to Pat. "You know what we have to do."_

_Patton was still quiet for a moment longer before letting out a quiet sob. "I know…I know you're right, Logan."_

_Virgil felt like he'd just been hit. "Pat!"_

_"I'm sorry! But Logan's right! It's for Thomas's sake." Patton covered his face. "I-I'm sorry…"_

_Logan looked at Virgil. "Well?"_

_"No! I'm not doing it!"_

_"You have to."_

_"I won't!"_

_"Then we'll put you in with him."_

_Virgil's heart skipped a beat and he stared at Logan. Roman and Patton were staring at him in shock as well. Finally, Virgil found his voice again and said, "You'll what?"_

_"Fear is objective. You can logically be afraid, you can be creatively afraid, and you can be emotionally afraid. We don't need you. We can function without you, if we try." Logan sounded detached from what he was insinuating—what he was saying—but he refused to look up at Virgil. "If you won't help us then we'll just put you in there with him."_

_Virgil continued to stare. "Why would you do this?"_

_"We can't have you trying to get Parker out of this. We're doing it, and that's final. So if you're going to cause problems, then we'll consider you part of the problem."_

* * *

_"You should have warned me," Parker whispered. Virgil banged on the walls once more, but they didn't budge. They had been trapped, just as Logan had promised. Roman had gotten Parker to the back of the mind easily enough, but Logan had to force Virgil with him. Now they were both trapped, and from the sound of things, the others had left them._

_"They didn't give me time," Virgil said, finally sinking down to the ground. "I can't believe they actually did this…"_

_"They tricked me." Parker didn't sound scared anymore. He sounded angry. It was the first new emotion, other than fear and sadness, that he had expressed in the past year. "They made me think they wanted to help me, but they just thought I was a problem."_

_Virgil looked back at him. "It's okay. They'll come to their senses, and—"_

_"It was Logan that came up with the idea, wasn't it?"_

_"Parker—"_

_"Wasn't it?"_

_"Yes."_

_Parker's teeth grinded together. "He won't change his mind. He thinks this makes sense, but it's stupid. Thomas needs me. Without me, he's going to get hurt or do something stupid. He's going to die."_

_Virgil gulped and said, "I think that's going overboard."_

_"No!" Parker glared and Virgil shrunk back. "They're going to regret this. This is a big mistake."_

* * *

_Nightmares day in and day out. The walls did a good job keeping everything in, which was good for Thomas. Unfortunately for Virgil, it meant that he could never escape the nightmares. Whether Parker meant to create them or they were just a product of the extended isolation, it didn't change how terrifying they were. Virgil was tired, and he was constantly scared. He was already timid and anxious before, but now after nearly five years in this prison, he was nothing but anxiety and fatigue and negativity._

_Virgil remained pressed to the walls, now. While the middle of the prison seemed endless, it wasn't impossible to find the walls. Virgil didn't even know which wall he was against anymore. Logan's? Roman's? Patton's? It didn't matter. He couldn't break it down._

_He knocked his knuckles against the walls. He was so tired. Occasionally he tried, like a stupid drop of hope clinging to a faucet before it can fall. But he knew that no one ever came to see them. He had been sure that they would come back soon after they put them in there, but after five years, Virgil knew that they wouldn't come. He was going to be trapped in there with Parker for the rest of Thomas's life, and he would never be able to escape the nightmares. A sob escaped him and Virgil planted his hands over his mouth, trying to keep quiet, trying to go numb again, but they only grew once and flooded once the gate had been opened._

_"Virgil?" a soft voice said from behind the wall._

_Virgil gasped and turned around, pressing his hands against the wall. "Pat? Pat is that you?!"_

_"Y…Yes. Virgil, are you alright?"_

_"Pat let me out right now."_

_There was a brief second of silence that made Virgil's stomach drop to his toes. "I can't do that."_

_"Please."_

_"Logan will get mad…"_

_Logan. Patton cared about what Logan thought. Even after five years, it was still the same. Virgil's sobs grew louder, he cried harder. They were going to leave him to rot in here, no matter what. The constant nightmares, the darkness, the cold water that had been creeping up his legs as each day went by. It was going to be his life, now. They didn't even care._

_"Virgil, what's wrong?" Patton sounded kind of panicked, but Virgil couldn't really tell, because he was too focused on not being too loud. He didn't want Parker to know that he was talking to Patton. If he knew, then Parker would get angry, and his nightmares always reacted to his anger, even if he didn't mean to. They got scarier and made everything worse. "Virgil?"_

_"I don't want to be in here," Virgil cried. He covered his mouth again, trying to force himself to be quieter. He hated being here. He hated being timid. He hated being upset, and scared, and unable to be doing anything about it. "I don't like this. I want to get out."_

_"I…I can talk to Logan…"_

_"Logan won't care! He wants to leave us in here. I don't like it, I don't like it here, Parker is scaring me, I—I can't…!"_

_"Virgil—"_

_"Patton, please!" Virgil cried, another sob breaking through him and causing his voice to crack. Thomas had hit puberty and his own voice was cracking, but this was a voice twisted and mangled by tears and fear and fatigue. "I don't want to be here! I don't want to! I never wanted to! Let me out of here, Patton!" Virgil bit down on his tongue, choking on his sobs rather than wailing and alerting Parker of what was happening. "I didn't think you hated me this much…"_

_"I don't hate you!"_

_"You won't let me out. None of you will. You left me in here. You have to hate me, because I'm useless and unnecessary and—"_

_"Virgil, no! You're not! We've been struggling without you or Parker. Logan is getting frustrated, and—"_

_Virgil's anger snapped suddenly. "Frustrated?! Things are frustrating after you locked us in here?! After you sentenced me to have to live in this hell for five years, or for the rest of Thomas's life? It's inconvenient for you all?! I hate it here, Patton! I hate it! I hate it, I hate it, I hate it…" Virgil's volume dropped with every word until he was just crying. He couldn't take it in here anymore. Whether he was trying to or not, Parker was letting his anger run rampant and take over the prison, which hurt Virgil more than Parker probably realized. He was the only source for his nightmares to rain down upon, and no matter what Virgil said, he couldn't seem to control it anymore. Virgil couldn't stand this anymore._

_Suddenly, the wall opened. It was brief, and hands grabbed onto him and pulled him out. The wall slammed down, shut securely again, and Virgil was wrapped in a tight hug._

_"I'm so sorry," Patton cried, his own tears on his voice. "I didn't want to do this to you. Or to Parker. I didn't want it. I'm so, so sorry Virgil. I didn't want to hurt you!"_

_Virgil was still crying himself and didn't have the energy to return the hug. Patton rubbed his back, hushing a constant “You’re safe, you’re safe,” like a soft mantra, keeping his heartbeat steady, like a gentle drum. Virgil didn't know how long he would have stayed there if there wasn't suddenly loud pounding on the wall._

_"Hey!" Parker yelled from the other side. "Let me out! You're going to let Virgil out but not me?!"_

_Patton looked up and wiped his eyes. "No, I'm going to—"_

_Virgil grabbed Patton's sleeve and tugged hard. "No."_

_Patton looked at him with surprise. "What?"_

_"No…don't let him out."_

_"What?" Patton repeated with wide eyes._

_"I…I-I can't…It wouldn't be good for Thomas. Parker changed a lot. He's dangerous."_

_"But Virgil, you said that—"_

_"No," Virgil insisted, keeping his gaze downward. "Please don't."_

_"Patton!" Parker screamed. "Patton let down this wall! Please!"_

_Virgil shakily got to his feet. "Patton, we should go."_

_Patton still looked uneasy and looked between Virgil and the wall. Finally, he nodded and they turned to walk away. Parker continued to scream. "Hey! Hey! Let me out!_ Let me out already! _" Virgil closed his eyes and tried to ignore him until his screams had completely faded away._

* * *

_"You let him out?" Logan cried when Patton and Virgil got back. Virgil kept his eyes on the floor._

_"I couldn't leave him in there," Patton explained. He kept an arm securely around Virgil's shoulder. Virgil thought absently that Patton seemed a lot more dad-like than he remembered. Everyone looked a lot different, five years later. "Parker was hurting him."_

_Logan looked at Virgil, and he felt small under Logan's stare. "We don't know what he's like, though."_

_"I'm not putting him back there."_

_"You shouldn't have let him out in the first place."_

_Virgil finally looked up and glared. "_ _You shouldn't have put us there in the first place."_

_Logan seemed a little taken aback by Virgil's aggressive response, and he broke eye contact almost immediately. "It's too late to dwell on that."_

_"Too late? Did you spend five years locked up in that place? Should I even begin to describe what it was like to—"_

_"Calm down, Hot Topic," Roman sighed. He hadn't even gotten up from the couch. Virgil glared at him. "Ooh, quite scary."_

_Virgil noticed that Roman had taken on the prince stature even more, now that they were in their teens. It made his stomach bubble. A prince was supposed to rescue those in distress and lock up monsters. Instead he didn't seem to care._

_Patton spoke before any further words could be exchanged. "I think it's important that we just give Vir—…er…Anxiety, some time to recover."_

_Virgil didn't know if he should be happy or not that Patton still kept his name a secret. It was nice to know that at least one form of trust had yet to be breached. He sighed and looked away. "I'll just go to my room. You can talk about whatever. But I swear, I am_ _not going back there. You can't make me."_

_He went to his room and slammed the door._


	12. Chapter 12

As Thomas came to, so did the Sides. Virgil woke up back in his room. His head felt heavy and his body moved slowly, but it didn't take longer than a moment for him to remember what had happened. Parker, Thomas's screaming, and passing out. They had to work quickly. He didn't know how quickly Parker would recover, where he would wake up from, or what he would do when he was finally coherent.

As Virgil got to his feet, his legs nearly gave out under him. He rubbed his head and steadied himself. He walked out into the hall, holding onto the wall as he moved. Virgil went to the nearest room, which was Logan's. He knocked on the door, sounding urgent, but feeling exhausted. Thomas's mind was always incredibly numbed and dizzy after passing out, and it was taking a toll on all of the Sides.

There were sounds of stumbling and something was knocked over and crashed inside, but the door finally opened. Logan looked disheveled and his glasses were askew.

"Virgil?" he mumbled. "What…I mean, how…"

"I helped Thomas," Virgil said bitterly. "Come on. Get Roman and I'll get Pat. We need to figure something out before Parker becomes coherent."

Logan still seemed incredibly out of it. Virgil supposed it made sense. It took a while for everyone to come to, and Virgil was only awake so easily because Thomas was left anxious after passing out like that. It would take a lot longer for Logic to be aware.

They split up and Virgil went to knock on Patton's door. The door opened almost immediately and Patton looked at Virgil with wide eyes. For a brief moment, he seemed uncertain about how to respond, before he finally just let out a relieved sigh and planted his hands on Virgil's shoulders. Virgil was pretty sure that Patton wanted to hug him, but Patton must have realized that he was a bit too touchy, invading personal space, as he restrained himself.

"What's the plan?" Patton asked in a quiet voice. Virgil knew that there were probably a million other things on his mind that he wanted to say, but for once, Patton seemed completely focused. The heart only had one thing in mind: protect Thomas.

Virgil gestured for Patton to follow him. "We don't know where Parker is going to awaken—probably in either his room or the back of the mind—so we have to be quick. Logan is getting Roman." While they headed into the main area, Virgil thought about Parker's room. He hadn't lived there for twenty years, and in that time, the door had become disheveled. No one went in there, and no one acknowledged it, but Virgil had seen how it had changed. The wood faded, crevices in the wood appeared from nowhere, the handle became rusted and worn down despite no hand touching it. Virgil was able to not think about it for the past several years, but now that Parker had reappeared, Virgil found it on his mind.

They arrived in the main area and Logan and Roman were already there. Logan still looked distant and unfocused, which was a really strange look on him. Roman looked uneasy, which was an unsettling change for someone who was usually so loud and brave and full of himself.

"Okay," Virgil said, crossing his arms. "We need a plan."

"A plan," Logan repeated.

"Yes, a plan. We need to figure out how we're going to deal with Parker. We can't let him do that to Thomas again, and I can't keep stopping him like that. It's going to hurt Thomas too much. We need to figure out how to deal with Parker in a way that won't hurt anyone."

Everyone was silent for a long moment. Virgil didn't blame them. How were they supposed to stop him, after the torture he'd been put through and the revenge he was so bent on? He had immense power and a hunger for vengeance that wouldn't be satiated until they were obliterated. It was so unlike the Parker of their childhood. How were they supposed to make him see reason?

Logan cleared his throat. "There's only one reasonable plan. We have to trap him again."

Virgil glared. "No."

"Virgil. Think reasonably. He isn't going to stop. He really  _is_  a threat that we need to trap now."

"That was what caused this whole mess!" Virgil cried. He was growing more frustrated, more heated. "What, in another twenty years he'll manage to break out, and be bent on killing Thomas because then it will definitely kill us too? What are you thinking?!"

Logan rubbed his head. "It's the only logical conclusion! He managed to leak out some of his hallucinations before because there was no fourth wall. We have you now. We can  _make_  four walls!"

"I said no, Logan. I'm not doing that to him again. And you aren't putting me in there again because I'm not cooperating."

"I didn't say that I would." Logan sighed and looked at Patton. "Pat. Please. Talk some sense into him."

Patton shook his head. "I…No, Logan. I can't do that. We can't trap Parker like that again."

Logan stared at him in shock. "What are you talking about?"

"You know what it's like in there. But Virgil said that it's even worse. Could you even imagine being in there for twenty years? I can't do that to him again, Logan. I can't do that to  _anyone_  again. That's too cruel."

"He's going to hurt Thomas."

"I didn't say we wouldn't do  _anything_ , but we can't do  _that!_  He's still a part of Thomas! He still must see some reason. We just need to figure out how."

Logan shook his head in disbelief and turned to the last Side. "Roman—"

"It's a no from me too," Roman said softly.

_"What?"_

Roman shook his head and looked up at Logan. "Parker has done a lot of terrible things, but like Patton said, no one deserves something like that. It's horrible. I couldn't stand being in one of those things for thirty minutes, and you're saying that we should stick him in there after he's already spend  _twenty years in there alone?_  That's cruel."

Logan looked between all three of them, and Virgil could easily tell that he was more than frustrated. He looked almost panicked, now that no one was listening to him. "Then what are we supposed to do? We've already established that he's willing to hurt Thomas. What if he tries to do that again? What if he does something really dangerous? What if he tries to hurt us, or separate us? We need a  _plan_  and this was the best thing that I could come up with!" His attention turned to Virgil specifically. "If you insist that we're supposed to do something else, then what is it? Do you even have a plan, Virgil?"

Virgil knew that everyone was on edge, panicked, uneasy. He knew that they needed to calm down somehow. They needed a proper plan. Parker seemed unstoppable now, with everything that he was able to do. His powers were all centered around fear, and that seemed almost impossible to defeat. Almost.

"Actually," Virgil said, "I do have a plan."


	13. Chapter 13

As it turned out, Parker did wake up at the back of the mind. After Virgil had explained the plan to everyone, they left for the back of the mind, everything becoming darker as they delved further into it. Virgil was anxious as always, but he managed to focus enough on the task at hand so that he wouldn't get overwhelmed. The others seemed stiff as well, but they were together. If they were together, then they could do this.

"Parker!" Virgil called out. "Parker, we know you're here. Stop bringing Thomas into this. This is just between the five of us."

"He is still a part of this," Parker's distorted voice replied. He stepped into view. The shadows looked even murkier than before, but his eyes pierced through them like a lighthouse through fog.

"No, he's not."

Parker bared his teeth. "You all tried to kill me, so it's only fair that I make the same attempt on you."

"We didn't try to kill you!" Patton cried.

" _Shut it!_ " Parker growled, and Virgil couldn't help but notice how much like an animal he sounded. "All of you are trying so hard to stop me, but you can't. This is what you get after all this time."

Virgil shook his head and willed himself to look Parker dead in the eye. "We aren't afraid of you."

Parker actually laughed at that, and it felt like the air got colder. "Do you think I care if you're afraid or not? That doesn't matter."

"Yes it does." Virgil had figured it out before—or at least, he thought he figured it out. Parker's illusions focused on what the others were most afraid of. His powers of fear must latch on to the fear that others feel and expand it. Logan was afraid of being useless, Roman was afraid of being unable to protect them, Patton was afraid of the guilt he'd been holding for years, and Virgil was afraid of what he had run away from fifteen years ago. Even Thomas had been afraid of losing his friends, deep down, which intensified the hallucination Parker created. He needed fear. "If we aren't afraid, then you can't hurt us."

Parker stared. "You're lying. You are afraid."

"We need to protect Thomas. And if that means we can't be afraid, then we won't be. We can control ourselves. We can do what we have to, to ensure his safety. If we aren't afraid, then there's nothing you can do to us."

The others nodded, although Virgil tried to ignore how uneasily they shifted around when he said that. Parker continued to stare, and his expression twisted into something ugly, angry, and dark. He threw out his hand and shadows leapt from his figure and rushed past them, for a moment encasing them in pitch darkness. As the shadows rained upon them, Virgil was hit with the familiar feelings of loneliness, darkness, cold, fear. He didn't want to be afraid. He didn't want to give Parker anything to latch onto and use against him, but Virgil couldn't help it. This fear was worse, though. It felt stronger, more concentrated. Virgil was afraid of a lot of things, and it made his anxiety spread. This was being afraid of the loneliness and darkness and being left behind; it was more specific than Virgil's normally was.

Patton let out a sob as the shadows passed. "It's so lonely," he whimpered. The others voiced their agreement, looking as shaken up and upset about it as Patton did. Virgil was just left feeling confused.

The others couldn't have had this fear. It didn't make sense. Sure, they experienced a little bit of it, but not to the extent that it should be affecting them this badly.

Virgil looked back at Parker, who continued to stare at them, breathing heavily like someone who had just run a marathon. His eyes were wild, posture rigid, and while it was hard to see, his hands were trembling. Virgil realized with a start what was going on. Parker wasn't using their fear against them; he was using his own.

"He's afraid," Virgil said.

Logan frowned. "What?"

"I was wrong. He isn't getting his power from our fear. He's generating his own power because  _he's_  afraid. He needs to not be afraid and then maybe we'll be able to talk to him instead of facing him down like some grand finale."

"How are we supposed to help him not be afraid?" Roman asked in a low voice. He looked back at Parker, who only seemed to be getting more furious that they were not giving him their full attention.

Virgil once again had an answer. He faced Parker again and said, "You were the one that taught us how to not be scared. That's what you did when we were kids. Why can't you do that again?"

Parker glared. "How are you supposed to not be scared when everything is terrifying? It's what I am. There's no avoiding fear."

"Fear isn't supposed to incapacitate you," Roman spoke up. "It's supposed to give you courage."

"That's completely contradictory."

"You're the one who taught me that! When we were kids, with the dragon-witch. I was afraid, but you showed me that I could be brave and use that fear to protect everyone instead. You don't have to be afraid. You can overcome the fear and be better."

Parker grinded his teeth together. "It's not that simple! The fear is everywhere. It's a part of me. I can't escape it!"

"Your fear doesn't make sense," Logan said. "You're afraid we're going to kill you but it's not possible. You can't kill a single Side without killing us all. And besides that, we wouldn't want to kill you. It's illogical to think that way. You told me that you don't have to be afraid of things that don't make sense because they're not true."

"You don't  _get it!_ " Parker shouted. "It's not as simple as that! Does this look like something that I can control?!" He threw out his hands, making large gestures to his entire appearance. He was no longer the little superhero wannabe from their childhood. He had the outfit of a supervillain, like he had portrayed himself to be. "This is what I am now."

Patton took a step forward. "Kiddo, it's not like that. We're all here. We aren't going to put you back there again, so we can help. Fear is something that can be controlled. Even this."

"No. This can't be. I've tried and I've failed and it won't work."

"You've tried by yourself. Of course it didn't work."

Virgil nodded, but he remained planted in place. "You always told me that you don't have to be afraid if there's someone with you."

Parker's glare grew hotter in intensity while the air grew icy cold. "But I  _wasn't_  with someone before, or else this all could have been avoided.  _You_  left me alone! All of you did!"

"I tried to stay with you, Parker."

"No! You liar! You left me, you abandoned me!" Parker's voice was growing more hysterical and Virgil couldn't tell if it was helping to let him vent like this or if it was just going to end in something even worse. "Fifteen years, completely alone! Do you have any idea what that's like?! And things only got worse because I didn't know what I was doing and I couldn't control anything! None of you wanted to actually help!"

Patton said desperately, "We tried to help you, kiddo. You were always so upset. We didn't know what to do. We were just kids."

" _I_ was just a kid! And instead of getting a timeout for an hour, you all decided it was best I get timeout for  _twenty years!_  What did you even do after you got Virgil out of there? You all decided that if you had him, then there was no point in letting me out? I'm just the useless side that Thomas doesn't need anymore, right?!"

"That's right," Virgil said before he could hold his tongue. All eyes were on him and Patton looked especially horrified at Virgil's notion. "Parker, I'm just saying that Thomas isn't afraid of things in the dark or under his bed anymore. He's more in tune with the real world. He's anxious but not afraid."

Parker stiffened. Saying the words himself seemed just to be a vent of frustration, but hearing it thrown back at him made him clearly uncomfortable. "Shut up. You don't know that."

"Yes, I do. I've spent the last fifteen years doing your job."

"I didn't want you to—"

"He doesn't need you anymore because he doesn't have to be afraid. You're the one making him afraid. You're doing the opposite of what you should be doing! You're just obsolete now!"

" _I know that!_ " Parker shrieked. His voice broke for a moment and he took a second to recompose himself. Was it Virgil's imagination, or were there tears in his eyes? "That's exactly why I'm doing all of this! I'm not needed anymore!"

Virgil shook his head. "You're needed to give him courage. He doesn't need Fear, the one that makes him afraid. He needs Fear, the one that shows him why he doesn't have to be afraid."

"Just like you show him how he doesn't have to be anxious?"

Virgil groaned. "We're trying to help you, Parker!"

"Well you aren't helping me! And you  _didn't_  help me! You made me feel so awful! Every day was just darkness and fear and knowing that no one was ever going to come and let me out because even you left me behind!"

Virgil's frustration boiled over. "I  _tried_  to help you by convincing the others that trapping you wasn't the way to go, but we were all scared, Parker! We all thought you might do something awful, and you've proven that today! I tried to help and stop them but then we were put in there and instead of trying to remain calm and work something out together, you just let things get worse yourself! You ignored me and your powers got stronger and they affected me just as much as they did with you. Maybe worse, because I couldn't control them at all! I ended up being your punching dummy and I didn't want to stay in there anymore. You almost killed Thomas and then you hurt me for so long. I didn't want you hurting anyone else!"

Parker looked like he was ready to throw words back at Virgil, when it all suddenly dropped. The icy temperature leveled out and even the darkness seemed to fade a little. Parker stared at Virgil and for a moment it was so silent that the rolling shadows even seemed to be making some kind of sound. Finally, Parker managed to say, in a tiny broken whisper, "I made you feel like this?"

Virgil looked down and shifted on his feet. He sighed. "…Yeah. You did."

Another long stretch of silence. Virgil thought that time might have stopped. Then, Parker let out what sounded like a choked sob. The tears Virgil thought he saw earlier spilled over Parker's cheeks. The shadows faded, disappearing into the air, and taking the darkness with it. As the cloak of shadows faded, Parker's appearance changed. His hair grew flatter, his blue-tinted skin returned to a normal human tone, and his clothes transformed. When he was finally left standing there, Virgil's stomach dropped.

"Oh, Parker," he heard Patton whisper.

Parker's skin was pale, like Anxiety's, and his hair, once a deep vibrant brown, was faded and hung dully against his head. His eyes looked milky and distant, even as they were reddened with tears. His red shirt, which had been bright red when they were children, was worn out and faded. He wore a loose jacket that hung on his shoulders like a poor median between the blanket cape of his childhood and the supervillain robe of minutes before. He looked completely different from when they were children. He looked faded.

"I'm sorry," Parker said between cries. He wiped at his eyes but the tears didn't seem ready to stop. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry…!" He lowered to his knees, shoulders quivering with each tear-filled gasp.

Patton was the first to move, rushing to Parker's side and enveloping him in a hug. No doubt the Heart couldn't stand seeing someone cry with such intensity, not matter what the situation of a few moments ago were. Virgil and the others were far less hesitant, remaining where they were and keeping their distance. Parker only continued to cry.

"This was stupid," he wailed. Parker looked like a child again, crying over breaking a toy. "All of this! I just—I just wanted it to stop and I was angry and thought that you all deserved it but you—you didn't and I-I, I didn't…!"

Patton shushed him gently. "That doesn't matter now. It's okay."

Virgil wanted to argue but he kept his mouth shut. It wasn't okay, and it  _did_  matter. This wasn't just going to go away. He was relieved that Parker didn't seem bent on causing any more harm, but that didn't mean all of this was over with now. Far from it.

"I didn't mean it!" Parker sobbed, his cries wracking his shoulders, shaking his entire body. Virgil still couldn't bring himself to look at Parker fully anymore. "I didn't—I didn't mean to—to hurt you, Virgil! I'm sorry, I'm so—so sorry!"

Virgil's eyes remained trained on the ground. "I know," he said softly.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's the chapter, posted early as a gift! This was a fun ride and thank you for joining me :) I'm planning on posting other stories set in this same universe in the future so keep an eye out!

Parker stared down at his feet. He felt awkward. More than just awkward, really. He felt like he shouldn't be there. He'd done terrible things, and he knew that. He just didn't want to have to face them now.

He could feel Thomas's stare on him, and neither of them said anything. The other Sides were there too, watching awkwardly and exchanging worried glances. Parker wanted to say something, but his mouth wasn't working with him, and instead remained clamped shut. He fiddled with the hem of his jacket and remained silent.

"So," Thomas finally said. "Parker, right?"

Parker nodded, but he still didn't look up. "I'm really sorry for everything I did, Thomas. I got too caught up in my own stupid emotions and ended up dragging you into something that you didn't deserve. I'm sorry."

"It's okay. I barely remember it."

Parker tried to keep himself from wincing. Once everything had been resolved and Parker had finished crying, the Sides decided that they really did have to put up a barrier—only this time around Thomas's memory of the day. The barriers were originally supposed to be used to block out terrible memories, or fade out useless memories. Thomas still remembered parts, like the fear he felt, but he couldn't remember the traumatizing images of his dead friends, which everyone agreed was for the best. Patton had remained close to Parker the whole time, and Parker knew that it was both to keep an eye on him so he wouldn't do something like that again, and probably because Patton still felt guilty about the whole thing. Virgil, on the other hand, stayed away from him. Parker couldn't blame him. He couldn't blame any of them anymore.

Thomas cleared his throat and looked at the other Sides. "So. That's, uh. Yeah, that's finished." He crossed his arms, then uncrossed them. He was uncomfortable, clear as day. Parker focused his gaze harder on the ground. "I think I'm going to. Um. Take a nap. I didn't sleep well last night."

The others nodded. "It's good to recover lost sleep," Logan said. "Just set an alarm so you don't sleep so much that you can't sleep tonight."

Thomas waved them off with his hand. "Yeah, yeah. I know. I got it."

The Sides nodded, said their goodbyes, and sunk down. Parker lingered for a brief second, looked up at Thomas, and then sunk back down into the mindscape. The others were waiting for him when he arrived, and he looked away. Patton still had that sympathetic yet also apologetic look on his face and it made Parker's stomach tie in knots. Parker was the one who had done these terrible things to them. He knew he was the bad guy in all of this.

"So," Logan said, his voice sounding like it was treading on egg shells.

"I'm just going to go to my room," Parker said instead.

In his peripheral vision, he saw them exchange uneasy looks. Roman asked, "Are you sure? You don't want to…talk about this?"

"Talk about what?" Parker tugged at the hem of his jacket and instead settled for putting his hands in his pockets. "What I did was awful, and I'm sorry, but I don't know what I'm supposed to do to make up for it."

Patton shook his head. "That's not—"

"I tried to kill you all. That's not okay. I don't care what kind of excuses you're trying to make for me. It's not…" Parker took a deep breath and wiped at his eyes before they could moisten. "I'm just tired. I want to go to my room and we can talk another time."

More looks. Did they have some sort of secret code that Parker didn't know about? It wouldn't surprise him.

"Okay," Logan finally said. "We'll talk about it later."

Parker nodded and left to head to his room. He hadn't been to his room in…Well, in twenty years. He could barely remember what it looked like, but once he was in front of the door, it all came rushing back. For a long time, he just stared at the door. The handle was worn down, the wood chipped and lived in, the paint on the doorframe was peeling. But he knew that nobody had touched his room, despite the visible wear. They wouldn't have wanted to.

He went inside and shut the door behind him. The room smelled musty, unlived in. The walls were faded, and the place looked rundown, but while Parker and the room had grown, the contents of the room hadn't matured with him. The wallpaper still had rocket ships, the bed was still the size for a child, there were still small toys littering the room. Everything looked so small, created with the perfect size for a child, and with the same courageous spunk of a kid who wasn't afraid of anything.

As Parker stepped further inside his room, the room changed with him. It altered to the mind and age of its new inhabitant, like the room was finally welcoming him home. The wallpaper faded away and was replaced with a plain blue hue. The bed grew to fit his new size, and the red sheets changed to dull gray. The toys disappeared, but nothing took its place. When Parker finally sat down on the bed, the room looked bare.

There was a knock on the door and Parker jumped to his feet when he saw who entered. "Virgil!"

Virgil stopped in the doorway and looked around at the room. Whatever he was thinking, he didn't express it. Instead he looked back at Parker. Parker felt small under his stare, and he couldn't hold his gaze for long.

"Virgil I'm sorry—"

"I know. Stop apologizing." Parker bit his tongue tightly before he could apologize for apologizing. His stomach bubbled and he felt disgusting for not apologizing anyway. There was a moment of silence before Virgil said, "I don't want you to hurt him again."

Thomas. He didn't want Parker to hurt Thomas. And, in an unspoken way, Virgil didn't want Parker to hurt  _him_  again, either. Parker gulped and nodded. "I don't want to hurt anyone again."

Virgil continued to stare and it made Parker feel uneasy. Virgil's anxious energy really was stronger now that they were older. "You're different."

"What?"

"You're not…You've changed. Like.  _You_  have changed." Parker nodded. He knew what Virgil meant. He wasn't Fear, not anymore. "Are you…okay with that?"

Parker shrugged. "I have to be." Another long pause. The air felt thick and Parker wondered if anything would ever heal between the two of them. Or between Parker and the other Sides at all. "Virgil. I hurt you really, really badly. And I know you don't want me to keep apologizing. But if you need to…to do something, or have me do something, to make you feel better…"

"What, like try to kill you by torturing Thomas?"

Parker bit his tongue tightly and looked down at his shoes. "No. That's not what I meant."

Virgil was quiet and Parker didn't dare look up from the ground. "I'm not going to try to get revenge on you or something. You suffered. I suffered. I just…I want to focus on getting better. I see the negative side often enough. You'd be surprised how much the others can change a pessimist into an optimist."

"It'll take a while for that to work on me."

"You have about seventy years left."

Parker finally looked back up and met Virgil's eyes. There was no hostility in them. It was more of a type of…of tiredness. Virgil was tired. Parker felt tired too.

"Right," Parker said softly. "I…thank you, Virgil."

Virgil nodded, the response implied. Finally, he turned and left the room without a word, shutting the door closed behind him. Parker remained standing for a moment longer, half expecting Virgil to come back into the room, and shout at him or hit him, or do something in retaliation to everything that Parker did that day. But no one else came in. He was alone again.

Parker laid down on his bed and stared at the ceiling. He let his mind wander. Parker had realized from the moment his nightmarish disguise had melted away that he was no longer Fear. He had been afraid, but he didn't feel the same as before. Virgil was right when he said that Thomas didn't need him anymore. In a sense they had killed him, but now he had simply transformed into something else. He was no longer afraid, no longer Fear. He was just Sadness.


	15. Author's Note

Hi there! I wanted to thank you for reading my story, Silence and Duality. It was a ton of fun to write and I really enjoyed building Parker's character.

A lot of people asked for a sequel, so I've delivered! The sequel, Just Other Years, is now being updated and is a part of the SAD Series here on AO3. If you're interested, you're welcome to read it, and I hope you enjoy it. Thank you for reading this story and joining me on this journey--I hope we can continue the journey together!


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